Wednesday, 3 September 2014

I Love My Neti-Pot

I first heard of Neti Pots in one of Rachel Wilkerson's posts.  I thought it sounded interesting, but didn't think about them again for a few years until the Nose Buddy came to my attention, a few weeks ago.  I can't remember quite how, now.

For those of you who are as unfamiliar with the process as I am, neti pots are used to aid in nasal irrigation.  Basically, you pour a saline solution through one nostril and out the other side, in order to clear out your sinuses.  Apparently, it can be helpful for those with pollen allergies, as it helps to wash out any remaining bits of pollen.  I don't suffer with hayfever, but I do know that I snore, and that I often wake up with a slightly blocked nose.  I hoped it would help with that.

So, on a whim, I got myself a neti pot.  A bright green one.  And for the past two weeks, I've been pouring water through my nose.  I really like it, and that surprised me.

I thought it would feel like when you get water in your nose in a swimming pool.  It doesn't.  You feel a little pressure, and then it starts pouring out of your other nostril, and you don't really feel anything.  I also thought it would be hard to remember to breathe through my mouth and that I'd end up choking, but I didn't.

I normally read my kindle while cleaning my teeth - I just prop it up against the window.  That's not really plausible with the neti pot, so I typically just listen to an audio book for a few minutes, while using my phone's camera as a mirror.  I find the process is easier if I can see myself.  Plus, that way, I can gauge when I've used half and switch sides.

I normally use coarse sea salt, measured out with the spoon that comes with it.  I'll use either a full pot per side, or half, depending on how my nose feels that day.  I think I had a cold last week, but since I combined my neti pot use with being really hydrated - like, 6l of water per day hydrated - I couldn't really feel it.  I didn't sniffle, my throat didn't hurt, it was great.

I also recommended a neti pot to my friend who constantly complains of his allergies and sniffles.  In his own words;

"I think I'm a fan of neti pots now.  Doesn't hurt at all anymore.  I can breathe freely.  The worst things about colds was always my nose running like mad and getting backed up at the same time.
Which then leads to headaches, raw skin, and this constant discomfort inside my head.  Right now I have a very light throat ache, some slight discomfort in my ears... well plus a fever and exhaustion... but that's nothing in comparison."

"I can't believe how freely I can breathe through my nose.  It's unprecedented :D"

I just wish I could find some proper studies on nasal irrigation.  Not even on the neti pot specifically, just on any measurable benefits for cleaning out your nasal passages in this way.  There's a nice article here and another here. For now, it feels good, so I'm going to carry on.

Tuesday, 2 September 2014

Why I'm Pissed Off at the NHS

I've been feeling suicidal for a while now.  Lots of sources of stress, all coming one after the other without enough recovery time.  I've been self-harming since early May and having suicidal urges since June.

I spoke to my doctor about this in late June.  He prescribed amitriptyline for the insomnia, and put me on the waiting list for a counselling session at my local mental health centre.  Let's call them Riverview.  When I say 'local', I mean about 40 minutes away on public transport, not through distance, but because they're in an area that's close as the crow flies but geographically inconvenient.



A friend took me down to London for a few days shortly after this.  I ended up calling NHS direct because I was having an overwhelming urge to jump into the Thames/under a tube.  They ended up calling an ambulance, and I spent a few hours waiting around to see a psychiatrist in the hospital.  Good Psychiatrist agreed that, at that point, I was no longer a danger to myself; despite feeling suicidal urges, I was able and willing to ask for help.  Plus, as in most suicidal people, the urges come on very strongly for a while then fade away.  She agreed that it was best for me to seek longer term care in Birmingham rather than be sectioned in London, and faxed information over to my GP, asking that they hurry the mental health team along slightly.

A few days later, I got a call from Nick at Riverview.  He set up an appointment for me to come in at 2:30pm the next day for an initial assessment.  I got there at 2:15pm, and waited.  And waited.  And waited.  Eventually, at twenty to four, Nick called me on.  On hearing his name, I was expecting an apology for the waiting; since he'd set up the appointment, surely he knew I'd been waiting an hour?  Apparently not.  When I pointed this out he said "I'm sorry if that's what happened."

I corrected him.  "There's no 'if'.  You set up an appointment for me for today at half past two."

He then apologised for that, and asked if I'd like to see someone else.  He said the wait would be about an hour for someone else.  Since, you know, leaving a suicidal person alone with their (suicidal) thoughts is generally not a safe option, I decided to stick with what I'd got rather than risk it.

Nick and I talked through my sources of stress.  He offered to have me wait for the doctor, while agreeing that since the doctor on duty could only prescribe anti-depressants, this would not be the best option for me.  My issues are poor coping methods for the huge amount of stress I was under; not a chemical imbalance.  Instead, he said he'd set up a counselling appointment for me.  I did get a letter about an appointment two weeks later, but I only received notice of it the day before it was scheduled for.  It was in the middle of a Wednesday afternoon.  I called during my lunchbreak and told them I wouldn't be able to make it.  Okay, there is a huge overlap between the mentally ill and the unemployed, but it certainly doesn't cover all of us.  They said they'd get back to me, in a way which suggested they were astonished that I'd even think of not immediately dropping everything - regardless of the consequences - to come in when it was convenient for them.

I appreciate that the NHS is overworked.  I see no reason for it to result in this total inflexibility.  Would it not have been possible to call and discuss, say, three possible appointment times in the slightly further future instead of

I didn't hear anything for another three weeks. After a small episode at work, I ended up in A&E again.  This time it was the hospital near work, in Solihull.

Going to A&E doesn't have a major boost to my long-term mental health.  But, it does mean being under supervision immediately, which was reassuring to my employer, as HR was able to physically walk me over and hand me over to the reception staff there.  Being in the waiting room, knowing that people around know I'm a suicide risk means I can't actually do anything to hurt myself for the few hours it takes for the urges to pass.

Anyway, after two hours, spoke to another psychiatrist.  She said she'd fax Riverview again to remind them that I still needed help.   After checking their records, she told me that I'd "refused" to see a doctor and that I'd "cancelled" my initial appointment.  I pointed out that I'd just told her; Nick had agreed that seeing the doctor for medication was not the best option for me, and that I hadn't "cancelled" an appointment - I'd asked for it to be rescheduled, as they hadn't given me enough notice to rearrange things in order to actually make that appointment.

She said "Well, I don't know what you expect me to do about that," in a way which I felt was snotty and unprofessional.  She then told me that I have an appointment on the 3rd of September. 

I asked why I hadn't been told about this, since I was actually in the process of making plans to visit a friend in another city on that date.

She said "You should prioritise your health!".

Yes, that's what suicidal people are really into.  Chasing after useful parts of the NHS to make them do their jobs to keep us alive.

I pointed out that, now I knew the appointment existed, I would be able to attend it.  I asked when they would have informed me had I not needed to visit A&E that day.  After all, if I hadn't found out, I'd have bought train tickets which would not have been refundable if I'd suddenly had to drop everything.

She said they'd tell me a week in advance, since people tended to forget if they were told earlier.  I said this was a stupid system, because of the aforementioned not-being-able-to-drop-everything-at-the-last-moment.  I also expressed dissatisfaction with Riverview in general, pointing out Nick's being over an hour late to an appointment he'd made for himself, and the snotty phone attitude.

The psychiatrist put on a stupid expression and said "But you've only been there once!  How can you say they've always been terrible?"

I pointed out that I'd interacted with them on a number of occasions, which is what I was referring to.

She then said again, "I don't know what you expect me to do about it!" and "You're being very inflexible!".

I asked what was inflexible about being perfectly willing and able to attend an appointment once I knew it existed?

She said we should agree to disagree, because we could argue about it all day.  I actually started crying through frustration at one point - I only wanted her to agree that it sucked - but after getting me a tissue, she'd started up again.  I know I'm a pain in the arse sometimes, but you'd think medical professionals dealing with suicidal people would remember to behave like medical professionals dealing with suicidal people no matter how much of a pain in the arse those people are being.

Anyway, nearly the end of the story.  It's now the 2nd of September.  I have yet to have confirmation in any form from Riverside regarding an appointment tomorrow.  Maybe it'll come in tomorrow's post.  I'm in two minds as to whether to go or not, even if it does.  I hardly trust them to safeguard my mental health!

Monday, 10 May 2010

Time for a girly chat

I should probably apologise to those of you who got the impression that this was a gaming blog. It isn't. This is my personal blog, where I type up whatever I feel like. Normally, that does happen to be gaming notes. Right now it's menstruation.

No one here who doesn't want to be?

Kay.

So, I used to assume that the amount of blood I lost was average (average being 30ml to 80ml per month). I'd complain about cramps for four days, and be annoyed messing about with stupid sanitary things. Then I got a menstrual cup, which is freaking awesome (just saying). It also had the side effect of letting me know exactly how much blood I lost each month.

It averaged out to 20ml, which is very much below average.

I felt a little bit ashamed of myself for complaining. In my defence, I've never been anyone else, so I assumed everyone was about the same as me.

I asked a couple of people on an LJ comm how much they lost, and that was generally around the 110-130ml mark. And I felt both embarrassed and incredibly lucky.

Three months ago, I was fitted with an IUD. Since this was a flexi-T 3000, it had the effect of making my periods heavier. I knew that it would, but I figured, since I was so far below average, I'd take that rather than the hormones in the mirena.

So now I'm losing 40ml a month. I'm just about average, if on the low side.

It's not fun.:(

Thursday, 11 March 2010

Mooncup

An email inquiry I sent to the Mooncup company through their website;


A few days ago, I had an appointment at the Brook, and the nurse and I began talking about my use of the Mooncup. Although she had heard of them before, the information had consisted of a ten minute talk during her training, and she'd never actually met a cup user before. On hearing my positive reaction, she wondered if perhaps cups were something that the Brook could learn more about, and suggest to girls.

I think this would be a wonderful idea. My knowledge of menstrual cups came solely from a livejournal group on the subject ( http://community.livejournal.com/menstrual_cups/ ), and when I went to buy mine from Boots, the sale assistant was initially confused as to what I was looking for (she did eventually figure out what I meant and was able to locate them, but it clearly wasn't a well known product).

So, my query is, would it not be possible to offer more information about the Mooncup or menstrual cups in general through health services such as the Brook? Even something so simple as leaflets in the waiting room, or nurses or gynacologists with more information would make a difference. I feel that it would also be helpful is Mooncups were discussed in schools, as part of sex education, or PSME lessons. Even if people don't act upon the idea right away, at least they're aware of it, and may check out more information online, or be more open towards the idea the next time it comes up.

Are there any leaflets or any other information easily available which I can carry around with me to show to people when the subject comes up?

Thank you for your time.

Just by the way, I find your reaction to the Keeper Company's unethical business practices very classy.


I sent it under "all other enquiries".

The Brook is a charity which provides free confidential advice and contraception to young people under the age of 25, and PSME was, in my school anyway, Personal, Social, Moral Education. We did two years of it in secondary and had a few odd lessons in primary school. In primary school it was all about people with disabilities, and racial issues, while in secondary it was mostly about sex, and growing up.

Friday, 15 January 2010

Yesterday

Things I did yesterday;

Learned to crochet, got my eyebrows waxed, walked two miles, found out I got 87% on my last Welsh history assignment, watched the entire series of White Teeth, watched five episodes of Smack the Pony, did some yoga, read 'Salem's Lot, solved some puzzles, danced, called the bailiffs off of my grandmother's dead boyfriend, spoke to a friend on the phone for an hour, learned to express ownership in Welsh (fy mlog i!), organised my purse, played Final Fantasy 2.

Things I did not do yesterday;

My next Welsh history assignment.

Wednesday, 6 January 2010

How to Write a Game Review

A lot of people find writing reviews tricky, to begin with.

The point of a review isn't just to express your opinion on the game - it's also to define why you feel that way. Other people may not feel the same way, and would probably appreciate being given enough information to decide if they'd also find that feature good or bad.

I find that the easiest way to begin a review is by going through a checklist and making notes. I mostly play RPGs, so this list is going to be biased towards them, but you should be able to adapt it to other games. I'm going to be mostly thinking of FFI here, since that's what I'm currently playing.

This list isn't in any particular order - you'll do that later. Note also that I'm using the key words (the bolded headings) as starting points for other ideas. You'll probably find that some sections blend into each other - that's absolutely fine. You can always copy+shuffle+paste later. Just get it all scribbled down.

Controls

How does the game handle? Do you keep accidentally pressing the wrong buttons, or find that your characters move or react annoyingly slowly? Or does the game seem to follow your ideas almost intuitively? Perhaps it falls somewhere between the two?

Gameplay

How do battles work? Are there random battles? How does the menu work? How are key items used? How do weapons and skills work? How does levelling work? Are exp/money ratios set high or low (ie, do you find yourself constantly under levelled and broke, or stupidly overpowered?) Is there anything particular unusual or unique about the gameplay, particularly in relation to other games in the series, if it is part of a series? How do save points work Can you save at pretty much any time, or you going to have to be prepared to slog through a couple of hours before you can? Are any of these features annoying? Useful? Something that probably sounded good on paper, but doesn't work very well at all within the game? Is there a steep learning curve (ie; in Vandal Hearts II, I found that the weapons/skills system was a little confusing at first, but then, once I'd got the hang of it, it worked incredibly well).

Progression

Does the game lead you by the hand, or does it just drop you in the desert with no clue as to what to do or where to go next? Is it linear, or more freestyle? Does it have a check-list kind of style, with a clear list of set objectives to complete (ie, .hack, FFX-2...)? Is this enjoyable or constricting? Would you rather the game had more structure?

Subquests

Are there any? Are they enjoyable or a pain? Are they easy to find, easy to miss? Is this one of those games where you suddenly get a glut of quests as soon as the final dungeon opens and spend so long completing them that you lose interest in finishing the game entirely?

What would you want to know?

For instance; does the .hack series require online access (no, it's a simulated MMORPG, and is entirely self-contained)? Are you going to miss out on any features if you don't have another system (I find that several GBA and Gamecube games offer additional features to people who either have both systems, or are able to link their systems to other players - this means that single players, or gamers with only one system won't be getting the same experience)?

Graphics

Breathtaking? Simple? Confusing? Do treasure chests blend into the scenery, or do stealable items sparkle at you? Can you tell the difference between characters? Do the FMVs drag on, or are they tantalisingly short? Did you get drawn into the story, or did one badly drawn expression have you cracking up?

Comparisons

Is this game part of a series? What features does it keep from other games in the series (whether they came earlier or later - if you're reviewing an older game, readers have probably played or heard of the later games). What does it change? Do these changes work well, or is this the bastard child of the series?

What games does it remind you of? How?

Try not to make these the key point of your review, as many players won't have the exact same game library you do. However, they are worth dropping in occasional, as people who enjoyed/disliked particular features of one game will probably like to know if they show up in another. Just remember to describe the feature you've talking about, rather than just relying on the reader's previous knowledge.

Trivia

You'll probably want to include this bit in the introduction.

Do you know any cute stories about how the game came to be? About the company? About any of the key developers? For instance;

  • Sacnoth, the company who developed Koudelka and the Shadow Hearts series, was formed by ex-Squaresoft employees, who wished to take RPGs in a different direction. Unfortunately, through a lack of funding and faith, they couldn't take it quite as far as they wanted, and ended up with a curious (and, in my opinion, brilliant) combination of horror and RPG.

  • The concept of Project Zero came from the idea of getting right up close and personal to the ghosts, instead of running away, as in other games (and that works pretty well too).

  • The first Final Fantasy game is called Final Fantasy because, at the time, Square was dying, and the game was to be their swan song.

  • Final Fantasy IV was originally released as FFI in Europe and North America, because the first three games were only available in Japan. Although the first two games were later released for the GBA and PSX, the third game is only available on the DS.



See? Don't worry if you can't think of anything; you can always just list down other games the company is known for (or, if this is their first, mention that), when the game was released...



Characters

One? Dozens? Do you control them directly, or does the AI? How intelligent is the AI? Do the characters stick around, or are you going to want to strip them of their equipment before they disappear for half the game? Are they voiced? How is the voice acting? Do you care about the characters, or are you killing half of them off every chance you get? Are you relying on one character while the others sit on the sidelines, or are you completely ignoring one useless character and using the others? Does the player's style make much of a difference in how useful a character is? For instance, games like Shadow Hearts and Star Ocean: Till the End of Time, use different models of attack for each character, so while some people will find Alice and Zhuzhen effective, others will fail their judgement rings constantly, and prefer Margarete or Keith. Are the characters clichéd, unique? Do they fall into any specific roles (ie, Princess and Knight, the Ditzy one, the Solemn Violent Girl, the Smart One)? Is this well done or clunky? Were you rolling your eyes, or utterly entranced?

Spoilers

Avoid them. You're trying to describe the feel of the game, not the plot. If you must include any, warn for them.

Writing The Review

Now you've got all those notes scribbled down, it's time to put it all together. Start with an introduction, usually involving the trivia or history of the game, and then work your way through your notes. What you're attempting to achieve is to describe the feel of the game, so people can tell whether it will be something they'd enjoy or not.

Monday, 4 January 2010

Final Fantasy I - Monster List

This table lists the monsters found in the first Final Fantasy game, and where to find them. This list is applicable to the version released for the PSX as Final Fantasy Origins, along with FF2.

I wrote it because the game includes two very simple lists (you can find them in the menu, under 'config') - items collected, and monsters defeated. Each treasure chest opened adds to your percentage on the former, while each different kind of monster defeated adds to your percentage on the latter. As you complete these lists, more artwork will be unlocked.

I admit, the sheer fact that a percentage is listed means that I want to reach 100%. It's impossible to find a similar guide anywhere that I've seen, simply because most sites are geared towards the US, where I gather the games were released differently. And, half the time, they're for the GBA edition anyway.

Use ctrl+f to search through the list. It's ordered as it appears in the game, which is, generally speaking, in order of appearance. The places listed may not be the only places the enemy can be found. The objective is - as far as I'm concerned - to fill in empty spaces. Should you find one, look up the monster just above it and scroll down.

Because I'm already 65% through on my current playthrough, at the time of writing, for many monsters, the location will simply be the name of the dungeon.
































































































































































































































































Name of Monster Where can I find it?
Goblin Near Cornelia
Goblin Guard Near Cornelia
Wolf Near Cornelia
Crazy Horse Near Cornelia
Skeleton Temple of Chaos
Black Widow Temple of Chaos
Gigas Worm
Temple of Chaos
Warg Wolf
Temple of Chaos
WerewolfTemple of Chaos
Zombie Temple of Chaos
GhoulTemple of Chaos
Garland Boss of the Temple of Chaos
CobraNear Provoca
Ogre Near Provoca
Ogre Chieftain Near Provoca
Lizard Near Provoca
Pirate Provoca
Sahagin Ocean
Sahagin Chief
Ocean
Privateer Ocean
Shark Ocean
Goggler Ocean
Tarantula Near Elfheim
Ghast Near Elfheim
Scorpion Marsh Cave
Shadow Marsh Cave
Green Slime Marsh Cave
Crawler Marsh Cave
Gray Ooze
Marsh Cave
Gargoyle Marsh Cave
Piscodemon Marsh Cave
Astos Western Keep
Mummy Where can I find it?
Wraith Where can I find it?
Anaconda Where can I find it?
Hyenadon Where can I find it?
Lesser Tiger
Where can I find it?
Minotaur Where can I find it?
Hill Gigas Where can I find it?
Gnoma Where can I find it?
Troll Where can I find it?
Wight Where can I find it?
Ochre Jelly
Where can I find it?
Cockatrice Where can I find it?
Vampire Where can I find it?
Ogre Mage Where can I find it?
Sphinx Where can I find it?
Lich Where can I find it?
Centipede Where can I find it?
Piranha Where can I find it?
Red Piranha Where can I find it?
Crocodile

River near Crescent Lake
White Croc River near Crescent Lake
Ochu River near Crescent Lake
Neochu River near Crescent Lake
HydraRiver near Crescent Lake
Horned DevilMt Gulg
Pyrolisk Mt Gulg
PyrosMt Gulg
Fire HydraMt Gulg
Lava Worm

Mt Gulg
HellhoundMt Gulg
Fire Lizard Mt Gulg
Fire Gigas Mt Gulg
Red Dragon Mt Gulg
MarilithMt Gulg
White Dragon Ice Cavern
Winter Wolf Ice Cavern
Mind Flare Ice Cavern
Ice Gigas Ice Cavern
Specter Ice Cavern
Remora Ice Cavern
Dark Wizard Ice Cavern
Evil Eye Ice Cavern
Desert Baretta Near Onlak
Sabretooth Near Onlak
Wyvern Near Onlak
Wyrm Flying Fortress
Manticore Near Onlak
Baretta Near Lufenia
Basilisk Where can I find it?
Allosaurus Near the Tower of Mirage
Weretiger Near the Citadel of Trials
???? Where can I find it?
NecrotaurCitadel of Trials
King Mummy Citadel of Trials
Medusa Citadel of Trials
Rakshasa Citadel of Trials
Clay Golem
Citadel of Trials
Nightmare Citadel of Trials
Dragon Zombie Citadel of Trials
Sahagin Prince Sunken Shrine
White Shark Sunken Shrine
Deepeyes Sunken Shrine
Sea SnakeSunken Shrine
Sea Scorpion Sunken Shrine
Sea TrollSunken Shrine
Ghost Sunken Shrine
Aquos Sunken Shrine
Water Naga Sunken Shrine
Kraken Boss of the Sunken Shrine
???? Where can I find it?
Black Knight Tower of Mirage
Chimera Tower of Mirage
Guardian Tower of Mirage
Blue Dragon Tower of Mirage
Green Dragon
Temple of Chaos
Stone Golem Flying Fortress
Aeros Flying Fortress
Spirit Naga Flying Fortress
Doom Knight Flying Fortress
Earth Medusa Flying Fortress
Dark Flan Flying Fortress
Soldier Flying Fortress
Vampire Lord Flying Fortress
Dark Warrior Flying Fortress
Warmech Flying Fortress. You only have a 1/64 chance of meeting this monster. The best place is on the bridge just before fighting Tiamat.
Tiamat Boss of the Flying Fortress
Rhyos Temple of Chaos
Death Eye Temple of Chaos
Purple Worm Temple of Chaos
Name of Monster Where can I find it?
Lich Temple of Chaos
Marilith Temple of Chaos
Kraken Temple of Chaos
Tiamat Temple of Chaos
Chaos Temple of Chaos

Tuesday, 29 September 2009

.hack//infection - review

Storyline

.Hack//Infection is set in a futuristic world where only one net browser, Altimet, exists. The company, Altimet has a very popular online game, The World which has millions of users throughout the (real) world, and it is while playing that your main character, Kite, sees his friend Orca fall into a coma, due to events within the game.

Determined to help his friend Yasuhiko, or Orca of the Azure Sea, as he known within the game, Kite sets out on a quest to discover what exactly is going wrong within The World.

Orca falling into a coma wasn't the only weird thing to happen during Kite's first session in The World. He also met a mysterious girl who gave him a strange bracelet. This bracelet allows him to rewrite monster data, making strong monsters weak and gaining an item at the same time. You must 'protect break' monsters before you can do this – i.e., attack them until they reach a certain state of weakness. The data-drain animation is annoying the first time, and only grows worse through repetition. Luckily, it can be skipped. If you rely too much on Data Drain, Kite's data becomes unstable, and bad things – anything from losing HP to losing some of your collected experience points – occur.



Data Drain


This bracelet also has strange effects on Kite's character, and some people mistake him for a hacker. For this reason, he is often in the position of a renegade, unable to rely on the administration for protection.



MMORPG?

Although the game is designed to feel like an online game, it actually isn't. The game is entirely self-contained, and no internet connection is required.

Characters

Most RPG heroes are handsome young men, designed so boys will want to emulate them and girls will have crushes on them. Surprisingly, Kite doesn't fit that mould. Although one never sees his face, only that of his online identity, that identity is almost clownish in look, and has a slightly annoying voice. Add that to the fact that he's only fourteen, and you definitely do not have the latest digital love idol. As a twinblade, Kite fights with two swords, much like when using a thief costume in Final Fantasy X-2. You have absolutely no input in Kite's creation beyond choosing a user name, and I can't help but feel that allowing the player to choose the look and weapons of the character might have added to the game. Considering the Manga sequel is reliant on Kite having a certain look and fighting in a certain way, It's easy to see that it wasn't possible, or at least, not easy, but still, allowing a player to customise the character, however slightly, may have made them empathize with Kite a little more.

Then there's your heroine, Black Rose. She bullies her way into the party early on, and it's downhill from there. Although Black Rose does fit the mould of RPG heroine – sexy figure, skimpy clothes – at times, she's just plain irritating. She's continually insistent that she's a tough veteran, although, from her actions, and, indeed, her own confessions, she's even newer at this than Kite is. Although it never seems to bother him, being yelled at and ordered around by an above her station newbie makes my blood boil. She's a Heavy Blade, with much higher strength than Kite, who can equip heavier armour, although her strength suffers.

Then there's Mia and Elk, a cat-woman Blademaster, and a Wavemaster (mage). They are rarely apart, although, later in the game, it is possible to add Elk to a party without inviting Mia. Mia is often absent from the world, and will not join your party, a fact that, along with her condescending manner can make her difficult to like. Blademaster's are very similar to Heavy Blades, with only a slight difference in the weapons they can equip, while Wavemasters are skilled magic users, who, like in all RPG's, fight with staffs and occasionally heal your party. They can only equip the lightest armour and are not as useful in battle as they might seem, mostly due to the, quite frankly useless, A.I.

Speaking of Wavemasters, another one, Mistral, will join your party, mostly, it would seem, for the times when Elk isn't available. Mistral has the world's, or even The World's, most irritating voice. High pitched and with a laugh that scrapes one's last nerve, her collect-them-all attitude to items doesn't help, despite the fact that, as a gamer, I share it. Later, much later, when she appears for a short time in the Manga, she's less irritating, perhaps because she only appears for a short time and doesn't talk out loud.

All this talk of irritating characters leads me to another; Piros, a Heavy Axeman who begins to both worship and stalk Kite after their first meeting. His medieval manner seems out of place within the modern atmosphere of the game, and his continuous call of "Hark! He of fair eyes!" may begin to irritate you after the first ten seconds.

I'm not entirely sure why he's in the game, to be honest, except perhaps to flesh out the character list. Heavy Axemen are fairly strong, and can equip all kinds of armour, like Heavy Blades and Blademasters can.

Finally, on to the characters I actually like. Sanjuro is a Heavy Blade, like Black Rose, who joins your party once you help him find a special Katana in a sub quest. He's dressed like a Samurai, with a fairly deep voice, and, I suspect, is there to make up the digital love factor that Kite is missing.

Then there's Natsume, another Twin Blade who appears during a sub quest similar to Sanjuro's. In every RPG there's a character described as the one whose cheery manner lifts the party's spirits when they're feeling down; Think Selphie, Rydia, Rikku, or any Final Fantasy girl who is neither the love interest nor the tough one. In any case, I'd guess this is what the designers were going for with Natsume although her lack of confidence and the way she continually puts herself down can make her a tad depressing at times.

Speaking of the love interest, the ditz and the tough one, tonight the role of the strong female will be played by Gardenia. She's a Long Arm, i.e., spear user who can equip the same armour as a twin blade, and has a large army of fans/stalkers. In other words, if Black Rose equals Rinoa, and Natsume is Selphie, Gardenia is Quistis; If Black Rose is Yuna, and Natsume is Rikku, Gardenia is Paine. I can keep these RPG cliché comparisons coming, but I think those two are sufficient to make the point. You meet Gardenia while taking part in yet another sub quest, this time one where you are press ganged into delivering unwanted fan mail to her. Later on, as she joins your party in other quests, and throughout her e-mails, you can see her softer side, although this is slow in developing. Perhaps in the next game…

Finally, Orca is also listed among the characters you can choose to add to your party, although he won't be logged in any time after that opening tutorial. As Kite discovers, Orca is well respected within the world, along with his comrade Balmung of the Azure Sky, a man who, at first, distrusts Kite.

Party System

.Hack has a somewhat unique party system. Rather than having a defined party, you collect member addresses from various players with The World. Later, you can call them from within the game, and ask them to join your party. At certain times, some characters may not be available, for whatever reason, and at other times, you will be forced to take certain characters with you. This can be incredibly irritating, especially when, early in the game, they will stand near the Chaos Gate (the door by which you enter other areas) and yell at you when you try and go anywhere else. You can always 'log out', and return to the e-mail screen or the message board which are part of the game, but, on your return, they'll still be there waiting for you. I cannot describe how annoying this is, especially when you've learned of some new key words that you're just dying to try out, and you have to go and finish some part of the story first. Or if you wish to level up in another battlefield and can't because somebody, usually Black Rose, won't let you until you've done what she wants.

E-mails

Upon loading .Hack, the first screen you see is a basic computer screen, with e-mails and news articles that grow throughout the game. You can unlock different backgrounds and music for this screen, but its main point is to give you information.

At certain points in the game you will receive e-mails from various people, including your party members. Although many of the e-mails are storyline related, most of the characters that can join your party also have unique e-mail chains which allow you to learn more about them. You can pick from two responses to each e-mail, a technique some may remember from Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles for the Game Cube. As well as allowing you to learn more about them, giving the correct response (i.e., the one that they actually reply to) increases their affection for you. The only benefit of this is personal pride and more e-mails, either in this game or the next one. Although this may not seem entirely worth it, you've got a fifty percent chance of getting the right answer just by guessing, so it's not like you put any effort into it.

Forum

From the log in screen, one can access the forum, a board on which players of the world can discuss various issues. All responses are preplanned, and appear at certain points in the game. Although some deal with storyline issues, most either give you hints about the game, or inform you of sub-quests. It also acts as an unofficial FAQ, with other players bringing up issues which may be confusing the one real player (you). To be honest though, the in game hints are sometimes so vague it's easier to check a real forum.

Then there's the fact that this and the e-mail screen are pretty much the only ways in which one is informed of sub-quests. Now, the obsessive, perfectionist RPG gamer within me loves this; it's almost impossible to miss anything, and little time is lost in pointless exploration, wandering through pointless random battles in order to find nothing at all.

Having said that, there are a few other sub quests not detailed on the board, but these mostly involve keywords which are shown on the DVD which comes with the game, or are self imposed quests for the best weapons and armour.

Root Towns and the Chaos Gate

From the board, one can access the Root Town. There are several Root Town's within the world of .Hack, although only two are accessible from this first game, Mac Anu, and Dun Loireag.

Within each Root Towns are the various shops (item, weapon and magic cards, although the latter two are better found than bought), a storage place (helpful, considering one's limited inventory) and a save point. However, even if you save here, when you reload the game, you will be returned to the desktop screen.

There is also a Chaos Gate in each town. As well as allowing you to visit other servers and root towns, they also grant access to the battlefields. You must choose three unique key words, one from each of three separate lists in order to visit a battlefield. This means that, in manner similar to that of Disgaea's endlessly multiplying item world, there are hundreds upon hundreds of unique dungeons available. In actual fact, with a total of twenty-nine part A keywords, and twenty-eight options each for parts B and C, there are twenty-two thousand, seven hundred and thirty-six different dungeons available in each server, making a grand total of forty-five thousand, four hundred and seventy-two for this game alone, considering that using the same keywords in different servers will yield differing results.

The basic differences between servers are the level; the first server, Delta, only has monsters between the levels of one and twenty, while the second, Beta, has monsters with levels between twenty and thirty.

Almost every battlefield, except for a few of the ones related to the storyline or goblin sub quests has a dungeon which has anything up to, or rather, down to, since it's underground, five floors. Each dungeon, again, except for certain plot related ones, contain a Zeit statue which gives you rare and tradable items.

Some plot related dungeons won't be accessible unless you hack into them, a process which involves data-draining certain monsters in order to collect the right kind and amount of Virus Cores.

Skills and Magic

Skills are attached to your weapons, not your characters. As far as I am aware, there are no skills that are unique to any one class of character, especially considering that Wavemasters are the strongest magic users and any armour light enough for them can be equipped by every other class.

This versatility means that, like in Final Fantasy VIII, you can make up a party of any characters you happen to like, and you have no need to keep a Wavemaster around.

Spell cards can also be bought, although due to your limited inventory, they are a waste of money. You'll also pick up many while walking through the average dungeon, and, in my opinion, the best thing to do with them is to sell them. If you like a spell so much, equip the armour and save the inventory space, rather than carry expensive cards around all the time.

Experience and Levelling

Like in most RPGs (a notable exception being Final Fantasy II), in .Hack you gain experience by defeating enemies. Your characters level up when they reach a certain experience level, and, like in Final Fantasy VII, each level costs exactly one thousand experience points.

Experience is given individually to each character rather than being divided among your party, and depends upon their current level relative with the monster they defeat. Defeating an enemy who is at a much lower level than you will give you one experience point, while defeating a higher level enemy can give you anything up to five hundred and twenty experience points. An enemy whose level is equal with yours will net you forty experience points.

Not dividing the experience between your party is unusual, but, in this case, a good move. The experience does not vary depending on how much any individual contributes in battle, either; you could stand back and let your party do all the work, and you'd still get the same reward. This means that there is no negative effect to entering battlefields with a party, rather than alone, and, in this game, that is incredibly useful.

Characters will also level up to something near to Kite's level, whether they are used or not. Unlike in, say, Final Fantasy VII or Shadow Hearts: Covenant, where unused characters gain a fraction of your party's experience, the idea behind this would appear to be that they were off levelling by themselves while you were busy getting on with the storyline.

Battle System

.Hack uses a real time attack system. On battlefields and within the dungeons which come with them, various orange circles will appear, and when approached, they will turn into either treasure chests or monsters. Monsters are more common. Your characters will then run towards them and try to defeat them, and for Kite, the one character you control, attacking is simple a matter of getting the monster in range and hitting the X button repeatedly. There are a number of skills you can use to attack with, and you can also direct the A.I. controlled characters by the use of commands.

Speaking of the Artificial Intelligence perhaps Artificial Stupidity might be more accurate. You have the choice of four basic commands for battles in general, and each of these applies to both characters in your three-person party; Union Battle, when everyone attacks the same monster Kita goes for, and no one uses skills or items; Wonder Battle, when everyone attacks whoever they want and no one uses skills or items; Follow Me, where everyone stays close to Kite and does not attack unless an enemy crosses their path and no one uses skills or items; and, finally, Operation Recover, when everyone stands still and recovers themselves.

Already, the problems are obvious. What if you're in an area populated with monsters with a tolerance for physical attacks, and you will generally want your party attacking with magic? What if you have a party of two Wavemasters, both of whom you will want standing away from the enemies, using magic? It's also annoying that you can't give each member of your party unique general commands. You can't put a Wavemaster in 'heal mode' and still have someone next to you attacking. You can give them the command 'first aid', but this will only apply either until the battle is ended, or, if you're not in a battle at the time, until your party's HP is fully recovered. In other words, you will have to repeat the command continually. The same if you want your party to attack with magic or skills; they will do so, but usually only once before they begin physically attacking again.

The other problem with healing is that you can't tell a character to only use magic to heal. If they have items they will use them up, and although they replace them between dungeons, this doesn't make it less irritating. Then there's the fact that you can't tell someone to stop healing. So, if two of your characters die, and you need to tell the third to use 'first aid' and revive you, they will keep healing you until the end of the battle, no matter how ill suited they may be for it. And since the third person left alive will usually be your strongest attacker, and since the only way two characters will die is either if you're extremely lax or if you're in a tough battle, the problem only gets worse. Still, fighting in a party does increase your life expectancy, so maybe they're doing something right. Fortunately, when revived, you regain your entire HP, although you lose all your SP (used for casting magic). SP slowly returns all by itself, so it's fully possible, between battles, to just stand somewhere, Zen-like, until your party is fully recovered. Unfortunately, while out in the field, particularly on higher levels, monsters will march up out of nowhere, so this plan isn't without its flaws.

Then there's the matter of your party's equipment. Although your party members will replace any items they use, they will not upgrade their equipment unless you hunt it down yourself and force it into their grasping little hands. This can be fun or irritating, like random battles. Very like random battles, in fact, as the best equipment is usually found by data-draining a monster who may give you what you're looking for, or, more probably will yield a lesser item, or a virus core. Randomization = hours of fun, and most gamers will know exactly how sarcastic I'm being.

Music

The music in the game isn't terrible, though nor is it particularly noteworthy. The background music does what it's supposed to do, but that's really all you can say for it.

Having said that, the main theme tune and Aura's theme are both nice, although none are particularly memorable.

Graphics

The graphics are fairly simplistic in style, and sometimes look a little cartoonish. Surprisingly, all the characters look unique; this is odd, considering it's meant to mimic an online game. Shouldn't players only have a limited choice of appearances? On the other hand, this must have taken a lot of effort, and it's quite nice. It also makes trading easier, as it's simpler to recognise a certain person.

The battlefields aren't as unique as they could be, and some animations, like Data Drain, opening Ryu books and gate-hacking are annoying, especially for the thirtieth time. Luckily, the programmers have thought of this, and you can skip through these sequences.

Sub Quests

There are a number of sub quests within .Hack//Infection. The most obvious one is trading; several characters will trade items with you, and this can be a good way to get rare items or equipment. Since the game is designed to emulate an MMORPG, however, the characters you want to trade with may not always appear when it's convenient.

Once you reach the second Root Town, Dun Loireag, you will be able to raise Grunties. They are small, pig-like creatures who must be fed in order to grow and mature, and, hopefully, trade you rare items. The various kinds of food can be found in different battlefields, and although the Grunty will request certain things – at first through vague hints, then more directly – you can feed them whatever you want. Within this game, you can raise three different kinds of Grunty; how your Grunty grows depends on its stats, which in turn depend upon the food you give it.

Once grown, your Grunty can be called in dungeons attached to the server it lives in, in order to act as your faithful steed. Much like a chocobo, it will help you cross battlefields easily while not fighting anything.

There are a few other sub quests, of course, such as playing tag with goblins and attempting to beat the record for reaching a Zeit statue, but neither of these are particularly complicated or take that long. You can gain some rare equipment from both quests though, and I'd complete them just for that.

Grandpa and Monsieur

Another irritating feature to the game, Grandpa and Monsieur are two teardrop-like beings who will upgrade or downgrade your weapons and armour. Grandpa can be found in battlefields with higher levels relative to the server, while Monsieur will appear in lower levels. Depending on various factors, mostly involving the weather of the field, any weapon or piece of armour you throw into the ponds they live in will be upgraded, downgraded or returned to you if they're too high a level already. In that case, Monsieur will tell you to ask Grandpa, while Grandpa will tell you to go to a higher level server.

Most players will probably find it easier to fight through higher levels for better equipment rather than go through this rigmarole, and I'm one of them. Monsieur and Grandpa don't appear in every battlefield, and will only upgrade your equipment once. Unfortunately, in order to complete the Ryu books, one must seek them out. Thank god you can click through their irritating voices.

Ryu Books

After using the Data Drain ability a certain number of times, you will slowly gain the Ryu books, numbered I to VIII. Each of these chronicles a different statistic – i.e., how many times you've entered a dungeon, how long you've been playing, how many times you've opened treasure chests or Zeit statues, or whatever else can be counted. It also chronicles how affectionate your friends feel towards you, the monetary value of the gifts you've given them, how many grunties you've raised, and the amount and types of food you've collected for them, among other things. Once you reach predetermined limits – i.e., five, ten and fifteen hours of play time – you unlock backgrounds, background music or FMV's. The former can be used to customise your desktop, while the later, which are unlocked upon completion of the game, are merely the ones you've already seen within the game. In other words, it's a theatre mode like in Shadow Hearts: Covenant or From the New World. The next game builds on to these totals – i.e., twenty, twenty-five and thirty hours of play time, and although you can reach this within the first game, you will not receive your reward until the second.

Again, I admit that the obsessive, perfectionist, RPG gamer within me loves this feature. It's all the information I normally keep notes on, and it's nice not to need to. Most of the totals are fairly easy to achieve (for an obsessive, etc, etc), although some, like hunting down Monsieur and Grandpa often seem like more trouble than they're worth. Still, if you do not reach the totals in this game, you can do so in the second one and receive your rewards then. You could even wait until the fourth game, although if you leave it that long, I doubt you'd care enough to bother at that point.

Sequels

The .Hack series continues with three more games, and, once you've finished this one, a point at which your data becomes flagged, it can be transferred to the second game. In other words you can keep your levels and items.

Having achieved a data flag, you can keep playing this first game. There are a number of quests to complete after the main plot, and there's no hurry to move on. Once you have moved on, new data will be created for the second game, and you can also come back to this one, and carry on, although it won't affect anything you've already done in the second one. You can also reload this first data to the second game at any time, and start it over. In other words, it's a little like one game on four discs.

I'm not entirely certain how Bandai justifies selling the game in four parts (at four times the price…), and sometimes it does seem like an unjustified expense. Perhaps when the games were first released, and there was a large wait between each one it may have been thought good value, but now it seems a little unfair. The first game still sells for around £12 on Amazon.

Speaking of sequels, there is also a three-part Manga available, which takes place four years after these games and follows two twins who win Black Rose and Kite's character designs in a competition. These are pretty inexpensive – I found my copy in a discount bookstore – and although they have a more comedic style, and are aimed at slightly younger readers, they're still nice to have. Especially if they're cheap.

DVD

Each game comes with a .Hack//Liminality DVD, the first one being The Case of Mai Minase. They take place during the same time frame as the games, and detail events out in the real world.

I'm told that on the US versions, there are three sets of key words that appear on the DVD. Although these key words do lead to special areas on the English version, I don't believe they actually appear on the DVD. Another special feature which is missing from the English edition is a timeline which shows how the events of the game and the DVD intersect.

Summary

It may seem that this game annoys me in many ways, and that's true. Many of the characters are irritating, random battles are annoying in any game, and sometimes monsters gang up on you and attack you with spells, essentially pinning your entire party in one place and killing you before you can escape, the rotten bullies.

Still, despite all its flaws, .Hack//Infection and the series in general has many good points. Mostly what appeals to me is the perfect, logical, linear way that everything, even the sub quests, fall into place. In many ways, the game has a similar mission theme to Final Fantasy X-2, and that neatness and check list style appeals to me. It's satisfying to have clear missions and tasks to complete.

In short, a game good enough that even its many flaws can't quite keep it down.

Friday, 11 September 2009

.hack//Mutation - Virus Cores D, E and F

Firstly, you need to know a little something about data drain. Monsters ususally have three things they can be data-drained for - a virus core, a normal item and a rarer item. You have a higher chance of getting a rarer item when your data drain is closer to 100%, and a better chance of getting the virus core when your data drain is closer to 0%. So, for instance, if you DD a Wander Demon, you're more likely to get the Rod of Pattern when your DD is red, and more likely to get virus core F when it's blue.

The other thing to know is what Helba told you; that virus core D comes from small monsters, E from mid-sized monsters and F from large monsters.

Lambda Shapeless His Sandtrap is a good place, I found, for virus core F. Wander Demons can be found on the field, and assuming you're a high enough level to do this easily, your DD should stay close to blue. Mad Witch's will give you virus core D and SWORDs.

Lamba Bitter Astigmatic Treasure Gem I found was a good place for virus cores E. You'll get virus core E from most of the monsters, but a few Ds from the little mages. Hit them with a basic spell twice, and they should get protect break status (use the party menu to tell your other characters to attack something else while doing this).

Before attempting either of those, I suggest running through another level 50 dungeon (I liked Lambda Discovered Hot-Blooded Corridor) on a weapon and level hunt. Other FAQs detail which monsters carry the best rare weapons for your characters. Here's another hint - get a Rod of Pattern from a Wander Demon asap (you'll have a mage with you, of course - they make levelling so much easier).

.hack//infection - Raising Grunties

When you reach the theta server in .hack//Infection, you will be able to raise Grunties. At the end of the town, you'll find a grunty ranch and a baby Grunty waiting for food. You'll also be able to raise Grunties in later servers.

As a side note; this guide is only intended for my personal use, since I kept losing the paper copies of my notes.

Dun Loireag

There are three kinds of Grunties you can raise here - Noble, Iron and Poison. The baby Grunty wants to become an Iron Grunty, so you just need to feed it whatever it asks for. Once it starts requesting only Golden Eggs, it's done. If you feed it an Immature Egg at this point, it will probably become a Poison Grunty, but you might want to save first, just in case.

What kind of Grunty it becomes depends on how its stats are when it finally grows up. If the stats fit a certain set of parameters, it will become an Iron Grunty. If it fits another set, it will become a Poison Grunty. If it doesn't fit either, it will be a Noble Grunty.

The easiest way to get each kind of Grunty is as follows;

  • Poison: 4 Piney Apples, 4 Snakey Cactuses, Golden Eggs till grown.
  • Iron: 4 Piney Apples, 4 Snakey Cactuses, 1 Immature Egg, Golden Eggs till grown.

  • Nobel: Golden Eggs till grown.

You Want a What Now?

The Grunty translation guide. When it's a little older, it will ask for foods by name, but as a baby, it only knows to ask for flavours. I'm not going to include a list of places to find them - firstly, any other guide will include that, secondly, you'll find most of them just through playing the game, and thirdly, I just cba.

The locations are easier to get than the initial descriptions, because the Grunty starts using the names of the foods after a certain point.

Name of FoodFirst DescriptionSecond Description
Golden EggReally expensive.Just a few grow inside an important story.
Grunt MintsMintyBy a hot, square face.
Twilight OnionRaw and spicy.By a really weird weapon.
Snakey CactusJuicy.Near some ribs that were once an ocean.
Oh No MelonReally sweet and round.Near barnacles.
CordycepsCold and spicyNear a big Buddha statue.
White CherryCold and really sweet.Near a very cold pillar.
Root VegetableWhite and SpicyNear a wall at the end of the labyrinth.
La PumpkinsSweetBy huge cocoons.
Mushroom2In the shadow of mushroom boulders.
MandragoraNoisyNear pointed towers.
Piney AppleCrispy and sweet.Deep in the green forests.
Immature EggReally bitter.Deep in a very dark labyrinth.
Bearcat EggSour.Deep in a very fancy gallery.
Bloody EggTastes like blood.In the stomach of a very scary monster.
Invisible EggSalty.Inside a very deep cave.

I'll be filling that table over time.

Saturday, 8 August 2009

Cluedo for the iPhone - Hints and Tips

  • If an item is mentioned - ie, the axe is near the fireplace, I was watching a movie, I was reading - examine every instance of the item in question - eg, every fireplace, screen (the theatre and the two TVs), or the books and magazines. Every one will contain a hint.

  • You won't find any hints in any items not mentioned, so don't waste your time clicking on random things.

  • On the note of saving time, plan your route through the rooms. Hurtling from one end of the house to the other will just waste time.

  • When two items are said to be in diagonal corners, that means corners across from one another.

  • Blunt items include the crowbar, the candlestick and the trophy. Sharp items include the axe and the razor.

Wednesday, 24 June 2009

Shadow Hearts II: Abusing Shop Cards for Fun and Profit

As soon as your shop card reaches 40%, you won't lose any money. 40% and a profit of 20% on the 50% sale price are the same (trust me, they are).

So, when you reach that point - usually in the Hermitage, when the guy in the white suit shows up near the save point with shiny new weapons - spam points. Buy at 40% off, sell at 20% extra. Then, when your points card levels up again, you can make a profit. Buy at 50%, and sell at anything you like (20% is much, much easier than 25%, and will probably be quicker). Make about 150,000 to cover the price of the crests you can buy before finishing Apoina Tower for the second time.

Sunday, 3 May 2009

Kerrang Radio

I listen to Kerrang mostly because my other choices suck. Kerrang plays a decent amount of alternative music, which I like, and doesn't play anything by the Jonas Brothers, which is always a plus. They helped me discover Cake and the Flobots, though god knows why they played Coldplay earlier.

So, yeah, Kerrang's music isn't a problem. The DJs, on the other hand...

Well, first of all, they all seem to be thirty-year-olds attempting to be "down with the kids". Now, I haven't actually checked anyone's age - that's just an impression.

Oh, and another bit of hypocrisy - Kerrang, like most radio stations aimed at teenagers, includes those government-issued alcoholic health warnings. At the same time, they're playing their own adverts, which state "because weekends are made to be only vaguely remembered".

Honestly, does no one working there ever listen to the bollocks they're putting out?

Anyway, the reason I've picked them to rant about is due to something I heard this afternoon. Apparently, they're doing a new things called "points of view" (or something like that - I confess to being too distracted to turn the damn thing off at the time). It seems to consist of them digging around internet messageboards as if they're a completely new thing and making fun of people for posting on them. Not necessarily anything they've written - just the fact that they took the time to write it. Apparently, anyone who writes anything online is lacking a life. Which doesn't quite explain why the Kerrang website includes blogs for its DJs. Another attempt to make them appear "hip"?

Internet message boards have been around for, what, fifteen, twenty years now? Why has Kerrang only just appeared to notice? And is everyone involved really so ignorant as to think that this is somehow "cool", to make fun of anyone involved in the online world?

Fucks sake - at least pretend to keep up.

Thursday, 16 April 2009

Final Fantasy IX: Chocobo Hot and Cold (Disc 1)

Chocobo Hot and Cold is, perhaps, the single largest subquest in Final Fantasy IX. It's first accessible on the way to Bermecia, on Disc 1.

Chocobo Forest is located to the north-east of Lindblum's Dragon Gate. You'll need to cross the bridge.

Once you enter, Mene will introduce himself and Choco, and hand you some Ghysal Greens. Head outside to the Chocobo tracks on the ground nearby, and use them from the menu. Ride Choco back into the forest, and talk to Mene to enable Chocob Hot and Cold.

The game itself is amply explained within the game. You run around on Choco and press square to dig. If you see Kweh? it means there is an item nearby. Kweeeeh?! means you're even closer. KWEEEEE-EH! means you've found it. Keep hitting x until the number that appears is reduced to zero. Choco can dig at a rate equal to his beak level + 4, iirc.

What you're searching for here are Chocographs. These are pictures of locations outside where Treasure can be found. There are 23 Chocographs in total, spread over two locations - Chocobo Forest and Chocobo Lagoon. Initially, there are nine available in Chocobo Forest, along with one Chocograph Piece, and you'll want to get these before going any further.

No, really, you will.

I find that, when searching, you'll average one Chocograph for every fifty points you earn. This is good to know, especially when the game is being a pain. After you've dug up the first nine Chocographs, Mene will tell you that Choco can't find any more here for now. You won't be able to find any more in Chocobo Forest until Choco learns how to climb mountains.

Now, the first nine Chocographs are as follows;

Streamside
Uncultivated Land
Healing Shore
Cold Field
Between Mountains
Small Beach
Birds-Eye Lagoon
Abandoned Beach
Faraway Lagoon

The first one you'll be able to get is Streamside. It's right outside the forest, to the west of the bridge. Between Mountains is near Lindblum.

After heading through Gizamaluke's Grotto, you'll be able to reach the Healing Shore, to the south-west of Cleyra. This will give you the ability to wade in shallow water - allowing you to come back to the Lindblum side of the mountains and get Birds-Eye Lagoon and Small Beach.

You can find a map here, to help you locate individual Chocographs.

Tuesday, 24 February 2009

Get the Fuck Off My Screen

So, on the cover of the Metro early, I saw a picture of "Britain's Bravest Bride".

Guess who?

No, I'll tell you, you'd never guess if you didn't already know. It's Jade "racist thicko" Goody.

I'm not entirely sure what qualifies her to be Britain's 'bravest' bride. I'm aware that she has cancer, and is expected to die soon, but, honestly, women like that are married everyday, and don't get £70,000 from Hello for it. Or was it OK!? Doesn't matter, I don't read either. And I don't care - I'm sick of having it shoved in my face.

This next sentence may not gain me any fans, but I'll write it anyway. Having cancer does not make you a better, more worthy person, and nor does it make you brave. It's unfortunate to put it mildly, but it doesn't change you as a person. Your response to it is what matters - and Jade's response hasn't changed since she got her first taste of fame on Big Brother. She milked it, and will continue to do so after her death. That's not brave, and there are many brides and cancer patients more worthy of the attention the media are currently showering on her. My aunt, for instance, was told she had only a few months to live. That was over ten years ago, and she now runs a successful business in-between surgeries.

I've been holding this post off for days, because it seems hypocritical to give the pain more attention while criticizing the media for doing so. But after that metro article, I hit breaking point. Calling Jade Goody "Britain's Bravest Bride" makes a mockery of bravery, brides and cancer patients. Jade is still the racist bullying idiot she always was, and it seems that cancer hasn't changed her. Nor has it changed my feelings on her - I didn't care about her then, and I don't now. I may be called heartless, but at least I'm not claiming that contracting cancer makes one a better person.

So here's a message to the journalists of the UK - go back to writing about actual news.

Oh, and one more thing.

http://fametastic.co.uk/archive/20090115/15015/jade-goody-im-keeping-my-cancer-battle-from-my-kids/


Well done on respecting the wishes of a dying woman, fucktards.

Monday, 23 February 2009

Will Young

Random facts.

"Will Young X-Factor Audition" is quite a common search on youtube. Which is very odd, since Will Young was the winner of Pop Idol.

The video for Light My Fire was extremely unfair and not amazingly well thought-out. He's gay - is it really that girl's fault that she can't light his fire?

Hey Ya makes a very moving ballad.

Friday, 20 February 2009

I Want to be Reincarnated as a Guitar

Today, it seems pretty normal for a guitar to be the main instrument in most bands. That wasn't always the case. It was actually Chuck Berry's song Johnny B. Goode which cemented its popularity - up until then it was a toss-up between guitar, keyboard and drums (if I recall correctly). I'm quite proud of the band Scouting for Girls, for thinking outside the box and being piano lead.

Anyway, guitars. Guitars just do something to me. They're the only instrument that can express pure anguish (listen to the end songs of Final Fantasy IX and Shadow Hearts II). They're just electrifying.

Examples;

Jesse's Girl
Johnny B. Goode
Anything, Anything
Kayleigh

Saturday, 14 February 2009

Nudity

It's very clear, out of the boy and I, which of us wears the cufflinks in our relationship. And very nice cufflinks they are too - I inherited them from my grandfather.

However, even I was a little surprised by something that happened on our last shopping trip. After getting extremely lost in Merry Hill (seriously, that place is like three miles long), we found ourselves in a shop which was having a closing down sale. On the back wall, they had a lot of framed pictures.

We both pointed and said "look!" to each other at the same time.

He was pointing at a picture containing several mostly-naked, oiled, muscular men (wrestlers). I was pointing at a semi-naked woman with a very nice arse.

What is wrong with our relationship?

Thursday, 12 February 2009

Free Theatre Tickets

...for those under 26.

Arts Council England in association with the Metro have come up with a scheme that offers free theatre tickets to those under 26, to try to encourage young people to see more plays.

I like plays.

Basically, most, if not all theatres in the UK are participating. You can go here and search by postcode to find the theatres close to you, Most will not allow online booking for the free tickets, and they are, of course, subject to availability. And you'll need a photo ID to prove your age. The tickets are only available for Friday night performances, which is amazingly frustrating because I work those nights.

Another more frustrating thing is that The Rep is shown An Inspector Calls tomorrow night. It's the last Friday night of it's run and I'm not working...but, I won't be in Birmingham either.

Grr.

Monday, 9 February 2009

Jimmy Carr


So, I met Jimmy Carr the other week. He did a show at symphony hall, and afterwards, the boy and I queued up to get the programme autographed. I also asked if he could do a Brummie accent. He can't, it comes out Scouse.