A Healthy Interest in Porn

This Post May Not Be Suitable For Under 18s.

Discussing my post on Zack and Miri Make a Porno lead to seeing if Wikipedia had an article on "the money shot" - and it does. Perhaps not surprising, since that is, after all, slang in normal filmmaking as well as porn. More interesting was the link to the cum shot page. Not just because it's always funny to see wiki swearing (seriously, check out Fuck Her Gently), but due to the debate about who, precisely, is objectified during the process - the woman, who is used as a background for the male's pleasure, or the male, who is almost entirely out of shot during the process, and is used merely as a foil to his partner's acting. If it matters, I think, generally speaking, the female partner is slightly more objectified during the process, since she is usually shown to enjoy it - to adore it, in fact - which puts her partner in the dominant role. Again, going back to Zack and Miri, filmmaking, including porn, is generally a male dominated process. Women are seen through male eyes, and the roles are created by male writers and directors - so how much of a woman can she be? Especially when she is shown to enjoy whatever her partner wishes to do?

In answer to this, many female pornographers have arisen. Much erotic literature is written by women, and many more porn directors are female. Including one actress turned director who goes by the name "Candida Royalle".

I wonder if anyone's told her that her name essentially means "really special yeast infection"?

Going back to erotic literature, one of the oldest examples of such is the Autobiography of a Flea, and there's a rather good essay (written by Lisa Segel) concerning the objectification of women in porn which uses it as a starting point here.

In one final point, I do recall reading somewhere that female porn actresses are traditionally paid more than their male equivalents - one of the very few industries in which this is the case, and the only part of filmmaking in which it's true (assuming it is true). It does make sense - to quote my original source "well, they're not paying to look at your tits".

Poor Planning on Your Part Does Not Constitute an Emergency on Mine

Should I happen to call in (to one of the branches of Lloyds TSB's customer service) at 8pm, wait on hold for an hour, and finally get through at five to nine, then it's not my problem that you close in five minutes. The fact that you don't have enough staff isn't my problem - it's not like there's a lack of people looking for jobs. Being bitchy, whiny, moany, and telling me that you don't want to do something because it's going to take too long...not my problem. Would be your problem if I'd remembered to ask for your name, you lazy cow.

Someone remind me to get rich and move to Barclays.

What I Did On My Holidays

I spent the weekend in Aberdeen. Flew from Birmingham International on Friday night, and came back from Aberdeen airport yesterday. Went with BMI Baby, and I have to say, I love the names of their planes - Brummie Baby and Baby of the North. Genius.

One of the first things that struck me about Aberdeen was the size and the amount of graveyards. Considering Aberdeen has a relatively low population density (1,089 per km², as opposed to Birmingham's 3,069 km²), it sometimes seems that they have more dead people than live ones.

Although Aberdeen was cold, it was also extremely sunny, and the only time I felt really freezing was when I was waiting for the bus back in Birmingham. This may have been due to my truly awesome Aberdeen hat and scarf. I watched half of an Aberdeen match (against Motherwell - the half without any goals), and got a pink hat and scarf, especially designed for ladies (I'm guessing, wives and girlfriends). Very cute and feminine. Someone patted me on the head for no apparent reason, presumably because I look cute dressed up like an approximation of a football supporter (obviously I didn't look like a real one, they wouldn't be seen dead in pink). This is the magic of the Aberdeen hat. Loves my hat.

On Sunday, I took part in the Aberdeen Santa Run, for Scottish Charity Wildhearts. 6km along the north sea, in a Santa Suit. We started at Pittodrie (Aberdeen FC's stadium), ran out along the
path which goes above the beach, then turned back along the road slightly above that (the entire thing is on a hill, although you're running along it, not up it). Went back, past the football club and all the restaurants and so on at the Queens Links thing, turned back onto the lower path, and back to Pittodrie, to run around the pitch. Pictures aren't up as yet, but I won't be posting any - no one wants to see me in a Santa suit. Anyway, I'm also running a mile for the British Heart Foundation next Sunday, and I'll be wearing a similar suit for that.

The Santa Run was limited to a thousand entrants, which made sense, since the road was relatively thin, but they did allow entry on the day. Why isn't there more competition for places? It's a brilliant run, and it's nowhere near as cold as you might think (trust me; I had to struggle out of my fleece about 2km through - you try doing that while pinned into a santa jacket). The race pack afterwards was nicely full - shortbread biscuits, some kind of apple and sultana thing, and several energy bars, one of which contained fairtrade chocolate (chocolate appreciated after 6k, fairtrade or not). The medal is adorable - it's got a Santa on it. And they managed to save on costs by emailing the details to participants, then handing over the runner number and suit (suit was part of the entrance fee, which was £15) on the day.

The north sea is gorgeous, although, admittedly, it is pretty much all you can see until you get onto the high road (yes, at some points you take the high road, and at other points, the low road, but you're always in Scotland). I'd never seen the north sea before, and I have to say, I approve.

Incidentally, for a city whose economy is based on the north sea, Aberdeen makes an awful lot of one of its rivers (the Don). There are a lot of places known as the Bridge of Don, or the Brig O' Don as they say it (it seems much of the Scottish accent consists of missing bits from the end of words). It took me ages to figure out what they were referring to; Birmingham's river is the Rae, and I bet most of you only just learned that. Our economy grew based on the canals, but we don't really make a big deal of those either.

I also liked Aberdeen's Central Library - they have a lot of withdrawn books for sale, very cheaply (fiction, 50p each or three for a pound, non-fiction, a pound each). They have a lot less of them now, of course.

Aberdeen supermarkets have self-service checkouts, which we don't have in Birmingham. I've heard of them before, but I don't like them one little bit, mostly because I'm resistant to change. I'm also not sure if I like Thorntons products being sold in places other than specific Thorntons shops - makes them seem less special and luxurious, somehow.

One thing I really love about Scotland is how Scottish it is. England never points out that it's England, but it's hard to look anywhere in Scotland without being forcibly reminded of where you are (and I don't mean by the frost, either). Lloyds TSB is Lloyds TSB Scotland. Everything is traditionally Scottish, or made to a Scottish recipe (and on that note, I have yet to try haggis, and have no intention of remedying that), or just SCOTTISH.

On that note, I went to a kilt makers, with a real Scottish person (I was worried that people would laugh at me if I didn't have a real Scot). I now have a little hand mirror, encased in blue tartan. I approve of tartan.

Now, if you've read my other blogs, particularly The Real Ratings, you'll be aware that I have an Unlimited card. £11.99 a month, to see any Cineworld movie at any Cineworld cinema that I like. It's far more of a bargain in Aberdeen than in Birmingham, since generally the tickets cost a pound or two more. The Cineworld in Aberdeen is also far more chaotic than the one in Birmingham - instead of having simply one bottleneck entrance, where your tickets are checked, they check each ticket on the door. That seems like a lot more staff for far fewer screens (which, admittedly, may be a good thing in the current climate). I guess it does stop people sneaking into different movies after theirs has started, but, honestly, I'm annoyed by having to have my unlimited card double-checked. In Birmingham, they've just seen me buy the ticket, they trust me. In Aberdeen I have to get my card out again. Hmph.

Lonely World

There's a webcomic, Hero, which invokes some of the feeling of Antoine de Saint Exupéry's A Little Prince. What I like about it, however, is a certain quote.

When you truly love a city, every other city is a reflection of it.