Tuesday 29 September 2009

.hack//infection - review

Storyline

.Hack//Infection is set in a futuristic world where only one net browser, Altimet, exists. The company, Altimet has a very popular online game, The World which has millions of users throughout the (real) world, and it is while playing that your main character, Kite, sees his friend Orca fall into a coma, due to events within the game.

Determined to help his friend Yasuhiko, or Orca of the Azure Sea, as he known within the game, Kite sets out on a quest to discover what exactly is going wrong within The World.

Orca falling into a coma wasn't the only weird thing to happen during Kite's first session in The World. He also met a mysterious girl who gave him a strange bracelet. This bracelet allows him to rewrite monster data, making strong monsters weak and gaining an item at the same time. You must 'protect break' monsters before you can do this – i.e., attack them until they reach a certain state of weakness. The data-drain animation is annoying the first time, and only grows worse through repetition. Luckily, it can be skipped. If you rely too much on Data Drain, Kite's data becomes unstable, and bad things – anything from losing HP to losing some of your collected experience points – occur.



Data Drain


This bracelet also has strange effects on Kite's character, and some people mistake him for a hacker. For this reason, he is often in the position of a renegade, unable to rely on the administration for protection.



MMORPG?

Although the game is designed to feel like an online game, it actually isn't. The game is entirely self-contained, and no internet connection is required.

Characters

Most RPG heroes are handsome young men, designed so boys will want to emulate them and girls will have crushes on them. Surprisingly, Kite doesn't fit that mould. Although one never sees his face, only that of his online identity, that identity is almost clownish in look, and has a slightly annoying voice. Add that to the fact that he's only fourteen, and you definitely do not have the latest digital love idol. As a twinblade, Kite fights with two swords, much like when using a thief costume in Final Fantasy X-2. You have absolutely no input in Kite's creation beyond choosing a user name, and I can't help but feel that allowing the player to choose the look and weapons of the character might have added to the game. Considering the Manga sequel is reliant on Kite having a certain look and fighting in a certain way, It's easy to see that it wasn't possible, or at least, not easy, but still, allowing a player to customise the character, however slightly, may have made them empathize with Kite a little more.

Then there's your heroine, Black Rose. She bullies her way into the party early on, and it's downhill from there. Although Black Rose does fit the mould of RPG heroine – sexy figure, skimpy clothes – at times, she's just plain irritating. She's continually insistent that she's a tough veteran, although, from her actions, and, indeed, her own confessions, she's even newer at this than Kite is. Although it never seems to bother him, being yelled at and ordered around by an above her station newbie makes my blood boil. She's a Heavy Blade, with much higher strength than Kite, who can equip heavier armour, although her strength suffers.

Then there's Mia and Elk, a cat-woman Blademaster, and a Wavemaster (mage). They are rarely apart, although, later in the game, it is possible to add Elk to a party without inviting Mia. Mia is often absent from the world, and will not join your party, a fact that, along with her condescending manner can make her difficult to like. Blademaster's are very similar to Heavy Blades, with only a slight difference in the weapons they can equip, while Wavemasters are skilled magic users, who, like in all RPG's, fight with staffs and occasionally heal your party. They can only equip the lightest armour and are not as useful in battle as they might seem, mostly due to the, quite frankly useless, A.I.

Speaking of Wavemasters, another one, Mistral, will join your party, mostly, it would seem, for the times when Elk isn't available. Mistral has the world's, or even The World's, most irritating voice. High pitched and with a laugh that scrapes one's last nerve, her collect-them-all attitude to items doesn't help, despite the fact that, as a gamer, I share it. Later, much later, when she appears for a short time in the Manga, she's less irritating, perhaps because she only appears for a short time and doesn't talk out loud.

All this talk of irritating characters leads me to another; Piros, a Heavy Axeman who begins to both worship and stalk Kite after their first meeting. His medieval manner seems out of place within the modern atmosphere of the game, and his continuous call of "Hark! He of fair eyes!" may begin to irritate you after the first ten seconds.

I'm not entirely sure why he's in the game, to be honest, except perhaps to flesh out the character list. Heavy Axemen are fairly strong, and can equip all kinds of armour, like Heavy Blades and Blademasters can.

Finally, on to the characters I actually like. Sanjuro is a Heavy Blade, like Black Rose, who joins your party once you help him find a special Katana in a sub quest. He's dressed like a Samurai, with a fairly deep voice, and, I suspect, is there to make up the digital love factor that Kite is missing.

Then there's Natsume, another Twin Blade who appears during a sub quest similar to Sanjuro's. In every RPG there's a character described as the one whose cheery manner lifts the party's spirits when they're feeling down; Think Selphie, Rydia, Rikku, or any Final Fantasy girl who is neither the love interest nor the tough one. In any case, I'd guess this is what the designers were going for with Natsume although her lack of confidence and the way she continually puts herself down can make her a tad depressing at times.

Speaking of the love interest, the ditz and the tough one, tonight the role of the strong female will be played by Gardenia. She's a Long Arm, i.e., spear user who can equip the same armour as a twin blade, and has a large army of fans/stalkers. In other words, if Black Rose equals Rinoa, and Natsume is Selphie, Gardenia is Quistis; If Black Rose is Yuna, and Natsume is Rikku, Gardenia is Paine. I can keep these RPG cliché comparisons coming, but I think those two are sufficient to make the point. You meet Gardenia while taking part in yet another sub quest, this time one where you are press ganged into delivering unwanted fan mail to her. Later on, as she joins your party in other quests, and throughout her e-mails, you can see her softer side, although this is slow in developing. Perhaps in the next game…

Finally, Orca is also listed among the characters you can choose to add to your party, although he won't be logged in any time after that opening tutorial. As Kite discovers, Orca is well respected within the world, along with his comrade Balmung of the Azure Sky, a man who, at first, distrusts Kite.

Party System

.Hack has a somewhat unique party system. Rather than having a defined party, you collect member addresses from various players with The World. Later, you can call them from within the game, and ask them to join your party. At certain times, some characters may not be available, for whatever reason, and at other times, you will be forced to take certain characters with you. This can be incredibly irritating, especially when, early in the game, they will stand near the Chaos Gate (the door by which you enter other areas) and yell at you when you try and go anywhere else. You can always 'log out', and return to the e-mail screen or the message board which are part of the game, but, on your return, they'll still be there waiting for you. I cannot describe how annoying this is, especially when you've learned of some new key words that you're just dying to try out, and you have to go and finish some part of the story first. Or if you wish to level up in another battlefield and can't because somebody, usually Black Rose, won't let you until you've done what she wants.

E-mails

Upon loading .Hack, the first screen you see is a basic computer screen, with e-mails and news articles that grow throughout the game. You can unlock different backgrounds and music for this screen, but its main point is to give you information.

At certain points in the game you will receive e-mails from various people, including your party members. Although many of the e-mails are storyline related, most of the characters that can join your party also have unique e-mail chains which allow you to learn more about them. You can pick from two responses to each e-mail, a technique some may remember from Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles for the Game Cube. As well as allowing you to learn more about them, giving the correct response (i.e., the one that they actually reply to) increases their affection for you. The only benefit of this is personal pride and more e-mails, either in this game or the next one. Although this may not seem entirely worth it, you've got a fifty percent chance of getting the right answer just by guessing, so it's not like you put any effort into it.

Forum

From the log in screen, one can access the forum, a board on which players of the world can discuss various issues. All responses are preplanned, and appear at certain points in the game. Although some deal with storyline issues, most either give you hints about the game, or inform you of sub-quests. It also acts as an unofficial FAQ, with other players bringing up issues which may be confusing the one real player (you). To be honest though, the in game hints are sometimes so vague it's easier to check a real forum.

Then there's the fact that this and the e-mail screen are pretty much the only ways in which one is informed of sub-quests. Now, the obsessive, perfectionist RPG gamer within me loves this; it's almost impossible to miss anything, and little time is lost in pointless exploration, wandering through pointless random battles in order to find nothing at all.

Having said that, there are a few other sub quests not detailed on the board, but these mostly involve keywords which are shown on the DVD which comes with the game, or are self imposed quests for the best weapons and armour.

Root Towns and the Chaos Gate

From the board, one can access the Root Town. There are several Root Town's within the world of .Hack, although only two are accessible from this first game, Mac Anu, and Dun Loireag.

Within each Root Towns are the various shops (item, weapon and magic cards, although the latter two are better found than bought), a storage place (helpful, considering one's limited inventory) and a save point. However, even if you save here, when you reload the game, you will be returned to the desktop screen.

There is also a Chaos Gate in each town. As well as allowing you to visit other servers and root towns, they also grant access to the battlefields. You must choose three unique key words, one from each of three separate lists in order to visit a battlefield. This means that, in manner similar to that of Disgaea's endlessly multiplying item world, there are hundreds upon hundreds of unique dungeons available. In actual fact, with a total of twenty-nine part A keywords, and twenty-eight options each for parts B and C, there are twenty-two thousand, seven hundred and thirty-six different dungeons available in each server, making a grand total of forty-five thousand, four hundred and seventy-two for this game alone, considering that using the same keywords in different servers will yield differing results.

The basic differences between servers are the level; the first server, Delta, only has monsters between the levels of one and twenty, while the second, Beta, has monsters with levels between twenty and thirty.

Almost every battlefield, except for a few of the ones related to the storyline or goblin sub quests has a dungeon which has anything up to, or rather, down to, since it's underground, five floors. Each dungeon, again, except for certain plot related ones, contain a Zeit statue which gives you rare and tradable items.

Some plot related dungeons won't be accessible unless you hack into them, a process which involves data-draining certain monsters in order to collect the right kind and amount of Virus Cores.

Skills and Magic

Skills are attached to your weapons, not your characters. As far as I am aware, there are no skills that are unique to any one class of character, especially considering that Wavemasters are the strongest magic users and any armour light enough for them can be equipped by every other class.

This versatility means that, like in Final Fantasy VIII, you can make up a party of any characters you happen to like, and you have no need to keep a Wavemaster around.

Spell cards can also be bought, although due to your limited inventory, they are a waste of money. You'll also pick up many while walking through the average dungeon, and, in my opinion, the best thing to do with them is to sell them. If you like a spell so much, equip the armour and save the inventory space, rather than carry expensive cards around all the time.

Experience and Levelling

Like in most RPGs (a notable exception being Final Fantasy II), in .Hack you gain experience by defeating enemies. Your characters level up when they reach a certain experience level, and, like in Final Fantasy VII, each level costs exactly one thousand experience points.

Experience is given individually to each character rather than being divided among your party, and depends upon their current level relative with the monster they defeat. Defeating an enemy who is at a much lower level than you will give you one experience point, while defeating a higher level enemy can give you anything up to five hundred and twenty experience points. An enemy whose level is equal with yours will net you forty experience points.

Not dividing the experience between your party is unusual, but, in this case, a good move. The experience does not vary depending on how much any individual contributes in battle, either; you could stand back and let your party do all the work, and you'd still get the same reward. This means that there is no negative effect to entering battlefields with a party, rather than alone, and, in this game, that is incredibly useful.

Characters will also level up to something near to Kite's level, whether they are used or not. Unlike in, say, Final Fantasy VII or Shadow Hearts: Covenant, where unused characters gain a fraction of your party's experience, the idea behind this would appear to be that they were off levelling by themselves while you were busy getting on with the storyline.

Battle System

.Hack uses a real time attack system. On battlefields and within the dungeons which come with them, various orange circles will appear, and when approached, they will turn into either treasure chests or monsters. Monsters are more common. Your characters will then run towards them and try to defeat them, and for Kite, the one character you control, attacking is simple a matter of getting the monster in range and hitting the X button repeatedly. There are a number of skills you can use to attack with, and you can also direct the A.I. controlled characters by the use of commands.

Speaking of the Artificial Intelligence perhaps Artificial Stupidity might be more accurate. You have the choice of four basic commands for battles in general, and each of these applies to both characters in your three-person party; Union Battle, when everyone attacks the same monster Kita goes for, and no one uses skills or items; Wonder Battle, when everyone attacks whoever they want and no one uses skills or items; Follow Me, where everyone stays close to Kite and does not attack unless an enemy crosses their path and no one uses skills or items; and, finally, Operation Recover, when everyone stands still and recovers themselves.

Already, the problems are obvious. What if you're in an area populated with monsters with a tolerance for physical attacks, and you will generally want your party attacking with magic? What if you have a party of two Wavemasters, both of whom you will want standing away from the enemies, using magic? It's also annoying that you can't give each member of your party unique general commands. You can't put a Wavemaster in 'heal mode' and still have someone next to you attacking. You can give them the command 'first aid', but this will only apply either until the battle is ended, or, if you're not in a battle at the time, until your party's HP is fully recovered. In other words, you will have to repeat the command continually. The same if you want your party to attack with magic or skills; they will do so, but usually only once before they begin physically attacking again.

The other problem with healing is that you can't tell a character to only use magic to heal. If they have items they will use them up, and although they replace them between dungeons, this doesn't make it less irritating. Then there's the fact that you can't tell someone to stop healing. So, if two of your characters die, and you need to tell the third to use 'first aid' and revive you, they will keep healing you until the end of the battle, no matter how ill suited they may be for it. And since the third person left alive will usually be your strongest attacker, and since the only way two characters will die is either if you're extremely lax or if you're in a tough battle, the problem only gets worse. Still, fighting in a party does increase your life expectancy, so maybe they're doing something right. Fortunately, when revived, you regain your entire HP, although you lose all your SP (used for casting magic). SP slowly returns all by itself, so it's fully possible, between battles, to just stand somewhere, Zen-like, until your party is fully recovered. Unfortunately, while out in the field, particularly on higher levels, monsters will march up out of nowhere, so this plan isn't without its flaws.

Then there's the matter of your party's equipment. Although your party members will replace any items they use, they will not upgrade their equipment unless you hunt it down yourself and force it into their grasping little hands. This can be fun or irritating, like random battles. Very like random battles, in fact, as the best equipment is usually found by data-draining a monster who may give you what you're looking for, or, more probably will yield a lesser item, or a virus core. Randomization = hours of fun, and most gamers will know exactly how sarcastic I'm being.

Music

The music in the game isn't terrible, though nor is it particularly noteworthy. The background music does what it's supposed to do, but that's really all you can say for it.

Having said that, the main theme tune and Aura's theme are both nice, although none are particularly memorable.

Graphics

The graphics are fairly simplistic in style, and sometimes look a little cartoonish. Surprisingly, all the characters look unique; this is odd, considering it's meant to mimic an online game. Shouldn't players only have a limited choice of appearances? On the other hand, this must have taken a lot of effort, and it's quite nice. It also makes trading easier, as it's simpler to recognise a certain person.

The battlefields aren't as unique as they could be, and some animations, like Data Drain, opening Ryu books and gate-hacking are annoying, especially for the thirtieth time. Luckily, the programmers have thought of this, and you can skip through these sequences.

Sub Quests

There are a number of sub quests within .Hack//Infection. The most obvious one is trading; several characters will trade items with you, and this can be a good way to get rare items or equipment. Since the game is designed to emulate an MMORPG, however, the characters you want to trade with may not always appear when it's convenient.

Once you reach the second Root Town, Dun Loireag, you will be able to raise Grunties. They are small, pig-like creatures who must be fed in order to grow and mature, and, hopefully, trade you rare items. The various kinds of food can be found in different battlefields, and although the Grunty will request certain things – at first through vague hints, then more directly – you can feed them whatever you want. Within this game, you can raise three different kinds of Grunty; how your Grunty grows depends on its stats, which in turn depend upon the food you give it.

Once grown, your Grunty can be called in dungeons attached to the server it lives in, in order to act as your faithful steed. Much like a chocobo, it will help you cross battlefields easily while not fighting anything.

There are a few other sub quests, of course, such as playing tag with goblins and attempting to beat the record for reaching a Zeit statue, but neither of these are particularly complicated or take that long. You can gain some rare equipment from both quests though, and I'd complete them just for that.

Grandpa and Monsieur

Another irritating feature to the game, Grandpa and Monsieur are two teardrop-like beings who will upgrade or downgrade your weapons and armour. Grandpa can be found in battlefields with higher levels relative to the server, while Monsieur will appear in lower levels. Depending on various factors, mostly involving the weather of the field, any weapon or piece of armour you throw into the ponds they live in will be upgraded, downgraded or returned to you if they're too high a level already. In that case, Monsieur will tell you to ask Grandpa, while Grandpa will tell you to go to a higher level server.

Most players will probably find it easier to fight through higher levels for better equipment rather than go through this rigmarole, and I'm one of them. Monsieur and Grandpa don't appear in every battlefield, and will only upgrade your equipment once. Unfortunately, in order to complete the Ryu books, one must seek them out. Thank god you can click through their irritating voices.

Ryu Books

After using the Data Drain ability a certain number of times, you will slowly gain the Ryu books, numbered I to VIII. Each of these chronicles a different statistic – i.e., how many times you've entered a dungeon, how long you've been playing, how many times you've opened treasure chests or Zeit statues, or whatever else can be counted. It also chronicles how affectionate your friends feel towards you, the monetary value of the gifts you've given them, how many grunties you've raised, and the amount and types of food you've collected for them, among other things. Once you reach predetermined limits – i.e., five, ten and fifteen hours of play time – you unlock backgrounds, background music or FMV's. The former can be used to customise your desktop, while the later, which are unlocked upon completion of the game, are merely the ones you've already seen within the game. In other words, it's a theatre mode like in Shadow Hearts: Covenant or From the New World. The next game builds on to these totals – i.e., twenty, twenty-five and thirty hours of play time, and although you can reach this within the first game, you will not receive your reward until the second.

Again, I admit that the obsessive, perfectionist, RPG gamer within me loves this feature. It's all the information I normally keep notes on, and it's nice not to need to. Most of the totals are fairly easy to achieve (for an obsessive, etc, etc), although some, like hunting down Monsieur and Grandpa often seem like more trouble than they're worth. Still, if you do not reach the totals in this game, you can do so in the second one and receive your rewards then. You could even wait until the fourth game, although if you leave it that long, I doubt you'd care enough to bother at that point.

Sequels

The .Hack series continues with three more games, and, once you've finished this one, a point at which your data becomes flagged, it can be transferred to the second game. In other words you can keep your levels and items.

Having achieved a data flag, you can keep playing this first game. There are a number of quests to complete after the main plot, and there's no hurry to move on. Once you have moved on, new data will be created for the second game, and you can also come back to this one, and carry on, although it won't affect anything you've already done in the second one. You can also reload this first data to the second game at any time, and start it over. In other words, it's a little like one game on four discs.

I'm not entirely certain how Bandai justifies selling the game in four parts (at four times the price…), and sometimes it does seem like an unjustified expense. Perhaps when the games were first released, and there was a large wait between each one it may have been thought good value, but now it seems a little unfair. The first game still sells for around £12 on Amazon.

Speaking of sequels, there is also a three-part Manga available, which takes place four years after these games and follows two twins who win Black Rose and Kite's character designs in a competition. These are pretty inexpensive – I found my copy in a discount bookstore – and although they have a more comedic style, and are aimed at slightly younger readers, they're still nice to have. Especially if they're cheap.

DVD

Each game comes with a .Hack//Liminality DVD, the first one being The Case of Mai Minase. They take place during the same time frame as the games, and detail events out in the real world.

I'm told that on the US versions, there are three sets of key words that appear on the DVD. Although these key words do lead to special areas on the English version, I don't believe they actually appear on the DVD. Another special feature which is missing from the English edition is a timeline which shows how the events of the game and the DVD intersect.

Summary

It may seem that this game annoys me in many ways, and that's true. Many of the characters are irritating, random battles are annoying in any game, and sometimes monsters gang up on you and attack you with spells, essentially pinning your entire party in one place and killing you before you can escape, the rotten bullies.

Still, despite all its flaws, .Hack//Infection and the series in general has many good points. Mostly what appeals to me is the perfect, logical, linear way that everything, even the sub quests, fall into place. In many ways, the game has a similar mission theme to Final Fantasy X-2, and that neatness and check list style appeals to me. It's satisfying to have clear missions and tasks to complete.

In short, a game good enough that even its many flaws can't quite keep it down.

Friday 11 September 2009

.hack//Mutation - Virus Cores D, E and F

Firstly, you need to know a little something about data drain. Monsters ususally have three things they can be data-drained for - a virus core, a normal item and a rarer item. You have a higher chance of getting a rarer item when your data drain is closer to 100%, and a better chance of getting the virus core when your data drain is closer to 0%. So, for instance, if you DD a Wander Demon, you're more likely to get the Rod of Pattern when your DD is red, and more likely to get virus core F when it's blue.

The other thing to know is what Helba told you; that virus core D comes from small monsters, E from mid-sized monsters and F from large monsters.

Lambda Shapeless His Sandtrap is a good place, I found, for virus core F. Wander Demons can be found on the field, and assuming you're a high enough level to do this easily, your DD should stay close to blue. Mad Witch's will give you virus core D and SWORDs.

Lamba Bitter Astigmatic Treasure Gem I found was a good place for virus cores E. You'll get virus core E from most of the monsters, but a few Ds from the little mages. Hit them with a basic spell twice, and they should get protect break status (use the party menu to tell your other characters to attack something else while doing this).

Before attempting either of those, I suggest running through another level 50 dungeon (I liked Lambda Discovered Hot-Blooded Corridor) on a weapon and level hunt. Other FAQs detail which monsters carry the best rare weapons for your characters. Here's another hint - get a Rod of Pattern from a Wander Demon asap (you'll have a mage with you, of course - they make levelling so much easier).

.hack//infection - Raising Grunties

When you reach the theta server in .hack//Infection, you will be able to raise Grunties. At the end of the town, you'll find a grunty ranch and a baby Grunty waiting for food. You'll also be able to raise Grunties in later servers.

As a side note; this guide is only intended for my personal use, since I kept losing the paper copies of my notes.

Dun Loireag

There are three kinds of Grunties you can raise here - Noble, Iron and Poison. The baby Grunty wants to become an Iron Grunty, so you just need to feed it whatever it asks for. Once it starts requesting only Golden Eggs, it's done. If you feed it an Immature Egg at this point, it will probably become a Poison Grunty, but you might want to save first, just in case.

What kind of Grunty it becomes depends on how its stats are when it finally grows up. If the stats fit a certain set of parameters, it will become an Iron Grunty. If it fits another set, it will become a Poison Grunty. If it doesn't fit either, it will be a Noble Grunty.

The easiest way to get each kind of Grunty is as follows;

  • Poison: 4 Piney Apples, 4 Snakey Cactuses, Golden Eggs till grown.
  • Iron: 4 Piney Apples, 4 Snakey Cactuses, 1 Immature Egg, Golden Eggs till grown.

  • Nobel: Golden Eggs till grown.

You Want a What Now?

The Grunty translation guide. When it's a little older, it will ask for foods by name, but as a baby, it only knows to ask for flavours. I'm not going to include a list of places to find them - firstly, any other guide will include that, secondly, you'll find most of them just through playing the game, and thirdly, I just cba.

The locations are easier to get than the initial descriptions, because the Grunty starts using the names of the foods after a certain point.

Name of FoodFirst DescriptionSecond Description
Golden EggReally expensive.Just a few grow inside an important story.
Grunt MintsMintyBy a hot, square face.
Twilight OnionRaw and spicy.By a really weird weapon.
Snakey CactusJuicy.Near some ribs that were once an ocean.
Oh No MelonReally sweet and round.Near barnacles.
CordycepsCold and spicyNear a big Buddha statue.
White CherryCold and really sweet.Near a very cold pillar.
Root VegetableWhite and SpicyNear a wall at the end of the labyrinth.
La PumpkinsSweetBy huge cocoons.
Mushroom2In the shadow of mushroom boulders.
MandragoraNoisyNear pointed towers.
Piney AppleCrispy and sweet.Deep in the green forests.
Immature EggReally bitter.Deep in a very dark labyrinth.
Bearcat EggSour.Deep in a very fancy gallery.
Bloody EggTastes like blood.In the stomach of a very scary monster.
Invisible EggSalty.Inside a very deep cave.

I'll be filling that table over time.

Saturday 8 August 2009

Cluedo for the iPhone - Hints and Tips

  • If an item is mentioned - ie, the axe is near the fireplace, I was watching a movie, I was reading - examine every instance of the item in question - eg, every fireplace, screen (the theatre and the two TVs), or the books and magazines. Every one will contain a hint.

  • You won't find any hints in any items not mentioned, so don't waste your time clicking on random things.

  • On the note of saving time, plan your route through the rooms. Hurtling from one end of the house to the other will just waste time.

  • When two items are said to be in diagonal corners, that means corners across from one another.

  • Blunt items include the crowbar, the candlestick and the trophy. Sharp items include the axe and the razor.

Wednesday 24 June 2009

Shadow Hearts II: Abusing Shop Cards for Fun and Profit

As soon as your shop card reaches 40%, you won't lose any money. 40% and a profit of 20% on the 50% sale price are the same (trust me, they are).

So, when you reach that point - usually in the Hermitage, when the guy in the white suit shows up near the save point with shiny new weapons - spam points. Buy at 40% off, sell at 20% extra. Then, when your points card levels up again, you can make a profit. Buy at 50%, and sell at anything you like (20% is much, much easier than 25%, and will probably be quicker). Make about 150,000 to cover the price of the crests you can buy before finishing Apoina Tower for the second time.

Sunday 3 May 2009

Kerrang Radio

I listen to Kerrang mostly because my other choices suck. Kerrang plays a decent amount of alternative music, which I like, and doesn't play anything by the Jonas Brothers, which is always a plus. They helped me discover Cake and the Flobots, though god knows why they played Coldplay earlier.

So, yeah, Kerrang's music isn't a problem. The DJs, on the other hand...

Well, first of all, they all seem to be thirty-year-olds attempting to be "down with the kids". Now, I haven't actually checked anyone's age - that's just an impression.

Oh, and another bit of hypocrisy - Kerrang, like most radio stations aimed at teenagers, includes those government-issued alcoholic health warnings. At the same time, they're playing their own adverts, which state "because weekends are made to be only vaguely remembered".

Honestly, does no one working there ever listen to the bollocks they're putting out?

Anyway, the reason I've picked them to rant about is due to something I heard this afternoon. Apparently, they're doing a new things called "points of view" (or something like that - I confess to being too distracted to turn the damn thing off at the time). It seems to consist of them digging around internet messageboards as if they're a completely new thing and making fun of people for posting on them. Not necessarily anything they've written - just the fact that they took the time to write it. Apparently, anyone who writes anything online is lacking a life. Which doesn't quite explain why the Kerrang website includes blogs for its DJs. Another attempt to make them appear "hip"?

Internet message boards have been around for, what, fifteen, twenty years now? Why has Kerrang only just appeared to notice? And is everyone involved really so ignorant as to think that this is somehow "cool", to make fun of anyone involved in the online world?

Fucks sake - at least pretend to keep up.

Thursday 16 April 2009

Final Fantasy IX: Chocobo Hot and Cold (Disc 1)

Chocobo Hot and Cold is, perhaps, the single largest subquest in Final Fantasy IX. It's first accessible on the way to Bermecia, on Disc 1.

Chocobo Forest is located to the north-east of Lindblum's Dragon Gate. You'll need to cross the bridge.

Once you enter, Mene will introduce himself and Choco, and hand you some Ghysal Greens. Head outside to the Chocobo tracks on the ground nearby, and use them from the menu. Ride Choco back into the forest, and talk to Mene to enable Chocob Hot and Cold.

The game itself is amply explained within the game. You run around on Choco and press square to dig. If you see Kweh? it means there is an item nearby. Kweeeeh?! means you're even closer. KWEEEEE-EH! means you've found it. Keep hitting x until the number that appears is reduced to zero. Choco can dig at a rate equal to his beak level + 4, iirc.

What you're searching for here are Chocographs. These are pictures of locations outside where Treasure can be found. There are 23 Chocographs in total, spread over two locations - Chocobo Forest and Chocobo Lagoon. Initially, there are nine available in Chocobo Forest, along with one Chocograph Piece, and you'll want to get these before going any further.

No, really, you will.

I find that, when searching, you'll average one Chocograph for every fifty points you earn. This is good to know, especially when the game is being a pain. After you've dug up the first nine Chocographs, Mene will tell you that Choco can't find any more here for now. You won't be able to find any more in Chocobo Forest until Choco learns how to climb mountains.

Now, the first nine Chocographs are as follows;

Streamside
Uncultivated Land
Healing Shore
Cold Field
Between Mountains
Small Beach
Birds-Eye Lagoon
Abandoned Beach
Faraway Lagoon

The first one you'll be able to get is Streamside. It's right outside the forest, to the west of the bridge. Between Mountains is near Lindblum.

After heading through Gizamaluke's Grotto, you'll be able to reach the Healing Shore, to the south-west of Cleyra. This will give you the ability to wade in shallow water - allowing you to come back to the Lindblum side of the mountains and get Birds-Eye Lagoon and Small Beach.

You can find a map here, to help you locate individual Chocographs.

Tuesday 24 February 2009

Get the Fuck Off My Screen

So, on the cover of the Metro early, I saw a picture of "Britain's Bravest Bride".

Guess who?

No, I'll tell you, you'd never guess if you didn't already know. It's Jade "racist thicko" Goody.

I'm not entirely sure what qualifies her to be Britain's 'bravest' bride. I'm aware that she has cancer, and is expected to die soon, but, honestly, women like that are married everyday, and don't get £70,000 from Hello for it. Or was it OK!? Doesn't matter, I don't read either. And I don't care - I'm sick of having it shoved in my face.

This next sentence may not gain me any fans, but I'll write it anyway. Having cancer does not make you a better, more worthy person, and nor does it make you brave. It's unfortunate to put it mildly, but it doesn't change you as a person. Your response to it is what matters - and Jade's response hasn't changed since she got her first taste of fame on Big Brother. She milked it, and will continue to do so after her death. That's not brave, and there are many brides and cancer patients more worthy of the attention the media are currently showering on her. My aunt, for instance, was told she had only a few months to live. That was over ten years ago, and she now runs a successful business in-between surgeries.

I've been holding this post off for days, because it seems hypocritical to give the pain more attention while criticizing the media for doing so. But after that metro article, I hit breaking point. Calling Jade Goody "Britain's Bravest Bride" makes a mockery of bravery, brides and cancer patients. Jade is still the racist bullying idiot she always was, and it seems that cancer hasn't changed her. Nor has it changed my feelings on her - I didn't care about her then, and I don't now. I may be called heartless, but at least I'm not claiming that contracting cancer makes one a better person.

So here's a message to the journalists of the UK - go back to writing about actual news.

Oh, and one more thing.

http://fametastic.co.uk/archive/20090115/15015/jade-goody-im-keeping-my-cancer-battle-from-my-kids/


Well done on respecting the wishes of a dying woman, fucktards.

Monday 23 February 2009

Will Young

Random facts.

"Will Young X-Factor Audition" is quite a common search on youtube. Which is very odd, since Will Young was the winner of Pop Idol.

The video for Light My Fire was extremely unfair and not amazingly well thought-out. He's gay - is it really that girl's fault that she can't light his fire?

Hey Ya makes a very moving ballad.

Friday 20 February 2009

I Want to be Reincarnated as a Guitar

Today, it seems pretty normal for a guitar to be the main instrument in most bands. That wasn't always the case. It was actually Chuck Berry's song Johnny B. Goode which cemented its popularity - up until then it was a toss-up between guitar, keyboard and drums (if I recall correctly). I'm quite proud of the band Scouting for Girls, for thinking outside the box and being piano lead.

Anyway, guitars. Guitars just do something to me. They're the only instrument that can express pure anguish (listen to the end songs of Final Fantasy IX and Shadow Hearts II). They're just electrifying.

Examples;

Jesse's Girl
Johnny B. Goode
Anything, Anything
Kayleigh

Saturday 14 February 2009

Nudity

It's very clear, out of the boy and I, which of us wears the cufflinks in our relationship. And very nice cufflinks they are too - I inherited them from my grandfather.

However, even I was a little surprised by something that happened on our last shopping trip. After getting extremely lost in Merry Hill (seriously, that place is like three miles long), we found ourselves in a shop which was having a closing down sale. On the back wall, they had a lot of framed pictures.

We both pointed and said "look!" to each other at the same time.

He was pointing at a picture containing several mostly-naked, oiled, muscular men (wrestlers). I was pointing at a semi-naked woman with a very nice arse.

What is wrong with our relationship?

Thursday 12 February 2009

Free Theatre Tickets

...for those under 26.

Arts Council England in association with the Metro have come up with a scheme that offers free theatre tickets to those under 26, to try to encourage young people to see more plays.

I like plays.

Basically, most, if not all theatres in the UK are participating. You can go here and search by postcode to find the theatres close to you, Most will not allow online booking for the free tickets, and they are, of course, subject to availability. And you'll need a photo ID to prove your age. The tickets are only available for Friday night performances, which is amazingly frustrating because I work those nights.

Another more frustrating thing is that The Rep is shown An Inspector Calls tomorrow night. It's the last Friday night of it's run and I'm not working...but, I won't be in Birmingham either.

Grr.

Monday 9 February 2009

Jimmy Carr


So, I met Jimmy Carr the other week. He did a show at symphony hall, and afterwards, the boy and I queued up to get the programme autographed. I also asked if he could do a Brummie accent. He can't, it comes out Scouse.

Wednesday 28 January 2009

Beyonce vs Bonnie

I've been listening to Bonnie Tyler since before I was born. I've listened to Beyonce Knowles (not always intentionally) during my formative years. And, despite the extreme difference in their sound (many of Tyler's songs were produced by the extremely theatrical Jim Steinman, who also wrote for Meatloaf, while Beyonce is far more pop/RnB) it's amazing how similar some of the ideas they hold are. SSDD - Same Sentiment, Different Decade.

Look at Destiny's Child's 'Soldier', for instance. Specifically, the chorus;

If his status ain't hood,
I ain't checkin' for him.
Betta be street if he lookin' at me.
I need a soldier,
That ain't scared to stand up for me.
Known to carry big things,
If you know what I mean.

Is the sentiment expressed here - that the lady wants a strong man - so different from the following?

I need a hero,
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night.
He's gotta be strong,
And he's gotta be fast,
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight.
I need a hero,
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light.
He's gotta be sure,
And it's gotta be soon,
And he's gotta be larger than life.

Then there's Beyonce's latest solo effort, 'If I Were a Boy', which, despite its childish sentiment, is similar in title to Bonnie's 'If You Were a Woman'. Both express the same idea - that if gender roles between lovers were reversed, they would understand one another better. Compare;

If I were a boy,
I think I could understand,
How it feels to love a girl.
I swear I'd be a better man.

With;

If you were a woman, and I was your man,
Would it be so hard to understand,
That a heart's a heart, and we do what we can?
If you were a woman and I was a man.

However, while both discuss a personal relationship, and therefore, one specific person rather than all male or female kind, Beyonce's phrasing sounds more general. While Beyonce says, that 'if she were a boy';

I'd put myself first,
And make the rules as I go.
'cause I know that she'd be faithful,
Waiting for me to come home.

Bonnie Tyler asks;

How's it feel to be a hunter
How's it feel to be the prey?
Is there really a reason for
This game we play?
I look at you
You look away
Just one day.
Why do you say we're night and day?
I'd like to try another way.

This difference in phrasing the same sentiment may explain why Bonnie Tyler has never been the focus of an essay like this one.

Sunday 25 January 2009

Star Ocean III: Till the End of Time

First glitch: During the early 'escape from Hyda' scenes, I managed to have Fayt run right outside of the spaceship, and run around on space. And no, his head didn't explode.


Basically, I kept the camera pointing north, and ran towards the exit. This was when it was blocked by the huge crowd of people - you would need to exit and re-enter the screen before you could enter the escape pods, iirc. I got back in by running through the other side of one of the other doors.


Glitch 2: In the Maze of Tribulations, on Level 4, I used a Jewel of Refuge just before facing the floor's boss. The scene happened, but the enemy didn't walk towards my characters - the sound of his footsteps kept repeating, but he didn't move. I don't have it set to skip scenes, so I couldn't try that. Opening the disc-tray didn't work either. I turned the damn thing off, in the end.


Had been ages since I saved, too.


My So3 fanfic can be read here. It's a paired ending that was never included in the game - Maria x Luther.

Sunday 18 January 2009

Bella Italia

I love Italian food, and I've been to the Bella Italia on New Street (in Birmingham) a couple of times. It's nice there. They have candles (some tea-lights, some the drippy kind in wine bottles).

It was a fairly busy Saturday night this weekend, although the wait time was still under ten minutes (maybe under five, I didn't time). That was handy, since the weather outside was frightful. The rain was pelting down, and most of the stores that were still open had taken in their plants and things, for fear of them being blown over. Most of the signs had been, even the one that some forward-thinking person had chained to a fence.

So, Bella Italia. A few minutes wait for menus, drinks orders taken promptly. In fact, very little waiting in general. Starter came out quickly (unlike in the Pizza Hut down the road, where it was completely forgotten, and then, after reminding, was non-cheesy garlic bread, instead of as requested. Fortunately, that was only one waitress, who I wouldn't recognise, since we saw her for less than thirty seconds), and was yummy. Garlic grossini with cheese, for one. The three pieces were quite generous enough to share, considering the size of the actual meals. A margherita pizza was £6.10, and was about the size of a Pizza Hut medium, so pretty good value. My spaghetti napoli was good, as always. Deserts were yummy, although they were out of cheesecake, which the nice Polish waitress informed us of as she handed over the menus. Although this meant I missed the chance to persuade the boy to try the banoffi cheesecake (heaven), we did get to try the chocolate mousse thing (I forget the name, unfortunately, but, luckily, remember the taste) and The Godfather, which was, basically, hot fudge brownies, chopped up in a giant wineglass with ice cream on top, cream on top of that, chocolate bits and amaretto sticks. Calorie hell, taste heaven. The boy insisted on ordering the version for two, despite me reminding him that the garlic grossini was for one, and was quite enough for both of us. I was right - we couldn't finish it, and I wish I had the rest now. Anyway, we made up for the calories by walking six miles today. It was so worth it.

The total bill came to something like £38, and we left around a 12% tip (please remember, Americans, that in England, waiters and waitresses are paid the same minimum wage as everyone else, so that is quite generous). We weren't entirely sure which member of staff would get it - while they were busy, various other workers helped, although it was always clear who our waitress was - but we didn't really mind. They all deserved it.

Sushi

So, I tried sushi for the first ever time this weekend. I'd heard that it's best when from a restaurant, as the warmth of the chef's hands improves the taste - as opposed to say, it chilling in a freezer. But needs must. I went for a little £2 lunchpack thing from Tesco. I'd never noticed that they sold them before. It looked quite cute.

Since my packet contained tuna, which I don't like, I found that smell a little overpowering. The chewy, tail-end of the salmon-y looking fish was a little too chewy for my liking, too. However, the soft salmon-y bit was much nicer - if slightly flavoured with tuna.

The rice was a little too sweet for my liking, but this was set off nicely by the soy sauce, which came in the most adorable, dinky little fish-shaped bottle. All in all, I think my first foray into the world of raw fish was a success.

My boyfriend conceded to trying the soy sauce, on a single chip. He says it wasn't entirely horrible, which is quite a success for him.

Friday 16 January 2009

Not Always Right

Not Always Right is a site which contains anecdotes about strange customers. I just read this one this morning;

Customer: “Excuse me…where is your dog cookbook section?”

Me: “Um…dog cookbooks?”

Customer: “Yes. Where are they located?”

Me: “We don’t have a dog cookbook section in the store. I don’t think we have any dog cookbooks at all.”

Customer: *stares blankly* “You can’t be serious.”

Me: “I’m sorry, miss. I might be able to order-”

Customer: *interrupting* “YOU DON’T HAVE ANY DOG COOKBOOKS? THIS IS RIDICULOUS! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY DOG FOR CHRISTMAS?”

Me: “Have you considered a nice set of dog cookware?”

Customer: *storms out*

Although it is a little weird to buy it for your dog, dog cookbooks do exist.

Monday 5 January 2009

Snow

It's snowing!

The frost of the last few days was also quite interesting, though. One morning, we walked outside to find a spiderweb frozen across the wing mirrors of the car. It was beautiful - more beautiful than cobwebs in the early morning dew.